In hindsight from the beyond.

She looked beautiful as he saw her sleeping. The sun had risen just enough to cast a breath-taking glow on her pale face. She looked perfect, in her satin blue nightgown. As the wind gently caressed her golden hair. She moved just a little and snuggled inside her white cover. It was cold, and the window was open. He left her side to go shut it only to realize that the stopper had been broken for quite some time now. He remembered her bickering to him about it almost every evening when he came back home, for a while and then she stopped. He never thought of the chill it gave her since he had been spending most of his nights in the study or fell asleep on the couch as he flipped through his files.

He came back to her side, and wished he could cuddle her up and provide some warmth. He wanted to but he couldn't. No, not because she would mind, not because his ego came in the way, but because he was dead! Not just dead from the inside. But he was really DEAD! He had been in a car accident on his way back home on that fateful night more than a month back. He had just left the office late in the night and as he got into his car, he recalled he was supposed to call a client by midnight and let him know that the deal was on. He had then gotten into the front seat and sped off with one hand on the steering wheel and one on his phone.

If she had been in there with him, she would have not let him drive without his seat belt on. She always fussed about him talking on the phone as he speeded. How much that pissed him off! It always ended up in petty arguments. But she wasn't with him that day, and he did what pleased him. As he spoke into the phone and drove along the highway, he had missed a traffic signal only to be hit by a speeding bus from the right which sent him colliding into another car and things had gotten deadly ugly. And the last thing he remembered was an unbearable pain surging through his head before everything went blank. Later when the ambulance came, he was declared dead on the spot!

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He had seen himself being carried away. The medics trying their best to bring him back to life. But it was too late. As he looked on to his lifeless cold body on the hospital bed, he had the sudden urge to look back. There was no one. But within a split second, the door was pushed wide open and what he saw was a sight more pitiful than his own. It was her! His wife.. his beautiful wife. He smiled at her, but she did not smile back as she rushed through him to throw herself on his lifeless body.

 She wailed, she howled, she screamed as tears welled out non-stop from her red eyes. He knew she must have been crying all the way from home. He wondered who had informed her about his death. He did not wish to imagine how hard it might have been for her to receive the unfortunate news. He thought back to the times he did not pay heed to her words, the times she fought him for his own good, for his own safety. He thought of her deep concern for him, the times he stood her up for movies, for restaurants, for events. The times he did not pick her up while she waited.

Suddenly as he kept looking at her, he found all the blood rush off her face. He realized she was looking into his mobile phone. He went to stand behind her and tried to see what was bothering her. He read the message from the UNREAD folder she must have sent him earlier today which he had not bothered to read. It read- "Come home soon honey. Good news!" He wondered what the good news was, and as he looked at her again, he just knew it!!! For she had one hand on her belly as she lay her head over his body and cried harder.

His thoughts went back to the day when he came back home a little early, in time for dinner during which she had shared with him her deep wish to have a baby, that she felt lonely and did not feel his presence anymore. She had hoped having a baby would be a good idea, given that they were doing very good financially and the fact that she was a housewife. He had agreed for once. How he wished he was alive now! He wanted to hug her and tell her that he loved her and the little life within her. He wanted to cry too, but he couldn't because he was dead.

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 He snapped out of his daze as she stirred in her sleep. He had spent every passing moment with her from the time she had left the crematorium. He had seen her laugh thinking about their time together, he had seen her cry thinking of the life they could have had had he driven carefully. Now as he stared at her lovely white face, he found something missing. It did not take time for him to figure that out. Her smile! It was missing. It had been missing from a long time now. The only time she smiled now was in her sleep when she dreamt about him. He knew she preferred sleeping longer these days because that was her only way of being with him.

He knew that he had lost his chance of being with her, of loving her as she deserved. He knew she had to move on.. for her happiness, for their baby!  He bent over her one last time, and kissed her belly as he left forever. Just before he left, he turned back. And.. she smiled.

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