Reassembling you...

In the whispers of a rainy night, crickets give still company

Rustling leaves outside flip my rustling pages backwards.

Revisiting broken land, an idea never so good,

Reaching those cold silver gates, take no step further.

What lies hidden in that beautiful stretch, is an ugly memory.

The unexposed fangs of the shining monster.

Lose the key, and run back to safety,

One click of the lock, and a land of no return.

 Every night I visit, those sullen lanes of no hope,

But the faraway glinting eyes of the monster, still a beauty!

I sit just outside those strong gates, and look deep inside,

The keys dangle in those pockets, but hands dare not move.

The mind holds the key, while the lock calls out to my heart,

Possession of thoughts, inheritance of a lifetime.

Days to months to years, key slips down to the heart,

Opening the lock never appealed so much before.

Before I knew, I ran into the beyond of the past,

Fell again, bruised again, brushed again and I ran.

Out of all the preciousness, locked for ages,

Was the most valuable possession, turned stone over time.

It speaks a language common to commoners,

But mum to me, mad at me, stone for me!

And will always be, until it breaks, it crumbles,

And I will still be there, picking those pieces like I once did.

From those burnt pages turned to ash, I shall polish you.  

Those words still haunt in every smoke.

Reassembling you, is letting history repeat.

Reassembling you, is like killing myself.

Reassembling you, is scheming my doom.

Reassembling you, is a mistake repeated.

But reassemble you, I will.

Because, I love you still.

Do and think not.. Think, then do!

 Moments of past joy
Hovers over present gloom
Nostalgia seeps

Bundle of sweetness
Precious memories bring smiles
Beautiful bubble 

Love for past

Present mistakes haunt

No closure

Do and think

Repent regrets, so,

Think, then do!

This Haiku is written for the Haiku Heights. The prompt for this week is 'JOY'.

How about not living in the past anymore?

After an exhausting day and a long shower, he goes to his rocking chair with a cup of tea, overlooking the vast valley with flickering lights. It's just after sunset, and he can feel the silhouettes craving for attention. The birds are chirping as they're making their way back to their nests. He wonders whether they feel the same way he does when he's heading back home after work! For who wouldn't want to fly forever, but do they too? 

His cell beeps and reads an emo forward from an old friend. Nostalgia creeps in.......

Read this whole post by clicking here -
 How about not living in the past anymore?

Courtesy

Why not just let past be a memory to cherish and let it be something to feel nostalgic about? How about not live there anymore?

Time heals everything, yes.. but Eternity is time too!

Sometimes we get so obsessed with something new in life, we don't realize as an era passes by. When was the last time you thought of something you used to think a lot about before? The immense fixation on something/someone is of such a superlative order, it's amazing when you stop for a while to retrospect, going back into your memory lane and find things you were obsessed about before, but are not anymore!

The fact that you've come to a juncture where you find time to go back in time, is proof you're coming over your present obsession. At that point of time in the past, your madness would have been so overwhelming, you would never have in your wildest dreams or nightmares, thought that there would come a day when it would not even cross your mind!

Then you wonder whatever happened to that nuttiness you then possessed? Did time play the trick? Was it a change of some sorts? Was the change natural? Were you forced to give up on it and move on? Was it because of you? Was it imposed over you? Strange are the sly games of time! Strange are the covert ways of change! They say Time Heals Everything, but does it really? This phrase has always been an enigma for me! Isn't this sometimes just an indirect way of convincing people to give up on their dreams, their desires? A way of consoling people when nothing more can be said to justify the sequence of actions.

Time does not really heal everything, it just fades everything because our memory cells play a prominent part. Slowly as time passes, you have more latest memories taking place of the old ones. But most of the times, it's not possible to take place of the precious moments noted in your head. It just moves it to the most corner of your mind library, to the restricted section. Initially you force yourself not to think of it, and as time passes it becomes a habit. But it's still there, still alive. Not fresh, but still breathing. 

And during those doltish times when you come over a new obsession, this is the first section you visit. The first thoughts you think of. You miss it. You wonder how life would be had you still been living it. You wonder what went wrong over a cuppa demitasse. And then wiping a tear or two you realize...You might spot new stars shining more brightly in the sky, but the joy of swinging amidst the old ones, though dull.. is simply exhilarating. Time heals everything, yes.. but eternity is time too. 

I think i remember your sweet confession,

Of building this world just for me and you.

But now i look around in strange oblivion,

For now; i see the World, i see Me... but not You!

The eternal sunshine of my spotless mind!

Courtesy

All of us, at one time or the other have wondered about having some different abilities than what we actually have. Especially as kids, with our imaginations at the peak, sky was the limit then. I for one, as a kid - hated eating rice. And rice was something i had to put up with every single day. It just didn't look fair to me. Subjecting my mouth, my tongue, my taste buds to this torture seemed like a crime of the highest order. I remember praying to God to provide me with a zip for my tummy, so that i would be able to put the things that i don't like to eat directly in my stomach without having to taste it! And the yummy ones, i could then eat normally. LOL. The wish was never granted, but it made for a good childhood memory. (I still wish for it sometimes.)

My new muse now is that what if there was a way to erase the memories we didn't want to keep. Not because there is no space, we don't even use the whole of our brain. But those memories which are really hurtful, how i wish there was a way to get rid of them and move on without having a knowledge of its happening ever again. 'Eternal sunshine of the spotless mind' - Blame this movie for getting me to think on these lines. The movie totally freaked me out.

It's about two people falling in love and carrying on a relationship for some time. But they get bored and frustrated with each other and end up apart. She doesn't want to remember him or anything about him cos it's too difficult to move on. She goes for a memory-erasure-procedure where every detail connected to him in her life is taken out of her system! He gets to know about this, and decides to undergo it himself too. But as the doctors erase his memory one by one, towards the end he doesn't wish to continue with it and tries to hold on to one last memory. He struggles, but alas! It's erased permanently. Much after that, the same two people meet again. Both do not remember each other, but they get together again to live happily ever after.

Courtesy

There's one part of the movie, where they find a tape which was recorded by the doctor before their memory was erased. They listen to it, and it's unbelievable! That part totally freaked me out. How would it be to forget the memories that have been the closest to your heart, some of the deepest emotions. And then one fine day, when you have no clue something so major ever happened in your life, you stumble upon something that tells you something so ghastly about yourself. That must be even more painful and horrifying than living with the hurt all along!

The movie was a work of fiction. But it set me musing as to what i would do if i really had a choice to undergo a memory-erasure-procedure. Would i ever go for it? Would i be able to let go of any memories, however painful they be? Would i be prepared to lose a part of my life never to remember it again? Would i try to hang on to it too? It's a momentary feeling, wishing to be able to not remember something. But if i really had a choice, then? Hmmm....

What would you guys do? Leave a comment and let me know!

The memories which someday i will tag as PRICELESS.

My renewed interest in blogging got myself a side-job as an Editor in manipalblog.com.
And here is my second post in this site, first as an editor... ;)

With just a little more than two months of college life left, before stepping into the corporate world, nostalgia is hitting me already. How i'll miss these college days! Sigh!

The usual hangout places, the spots where we have stood forever fooling around, the class-rooms, the canteen, the various food joints, the theatres, the roller-coaster rides on the city buses etc etc – yes, they will all be missed. Because these might not be significant landmarks, but these are the places that made the memories we’ll carry along with our baggage as we bid goodbye… to each other, and to the place which became our second home! The memories which will some day in future, transport us back to the land where magic once dwelled.

Courtesy

Read the full post right here -> The memories which someday you will tag as PRICELESS.

People will come, people will go… We came, and we’ll leave… we’ll never be the same again, while the globe in the fountain at Tiger Circle will still keep turning, probably with the hope that what goes around comes around, or in apt words – with a hope that those WHO go around will come back around! Amen.

Soul sister - My secrets lie within her, not me.

She sat, telling stories about me and herself to her friends. My lil sister. My soul sister. She went gaga with all the tales that have been told, and retold. Her face was excited, animated, happy. I love it when she does that. I love it when we tell our stories. I love it when she stops and i jump in to continue the story. It's like our unsaid understanding. We never learnt story telling. But these are stories that we will always tell with the same zeal, the same fondness! Touchwood. 

We are getting older, but the stories never do. We like to remember 'em each and every time we meet. People meet up over a cup of coffee and biscuits. But when we get together, reminiscence and laughter are laid on the table, with a dish full of sweet memories.

We share nothing in common.. absolutely nothing. It amazes us how two people who are vice versa can have the closest strongest bond ever. But that always strengthened our belief that ours is a perfect example of the 'Opposites Attract' law. That also makes us the best pair. We totally understand each other, know every likes, dislikes. We know the other's story of life by heart. The other's story is like a part and parcel of our own life.

How we decide what to buy for the other? If i like it, i don't buy it for her, cos she won't like it... and if i don't, then she will! LOL.. :D But we know each others choices more than we know our own. We have a set of similar but not same clothes which we lovvvve to wear together and click pictures. We maintain an album of our crazy moments and get super excited when there's scope for new entries!

The love we have for each other is something which i don't think even real sisters share. The frankness, the honesty, the sincerity, the worship.. it all comes naturally to us. We just know exactly what to tell the other at the right time, the right place. The 'Late night talk' is our most favorite activity. We talk and talk till we drop. Family members waking at night to have a glass of water always know where to find the whispers and giggles! Blabbering on till one of us falls asleep is a tradition. The only question to ask is who falls asleep first!

She's my little guardian angel, who is also my kid sister, my best friend, my confidant, the fashion guru, the counselor. She's an all in one bundle of pure joy and happiness, which God rolled into my life. The best of all, she's my best Secret-Keeper! We share our secrets, and when we do... we know we'll take it to the grave.

In her reality, my dreams play,

Her silly little smile makes my day.

For all my locks, she carries the master-key,
My secrets lie within her, not me.

And then I blinked my eyes once, only once.

Yesterday was a lazy day for me. I woke up, not early enough to go on a jog. So I went to my window as usual, following my daily ritual of looking far out of the window the first thing every morning. The beauty of the valley has never stopped mesmerizing me. I'm accompanied by birds which sit outside my window often, only to flutter away as I set my curtains aside to return after a while. I like to think that they feel safe and happy around me. I like to think that they fly away to visit the people I love, to spread my joy, my peace, my morning sunshine to them. I like to wait for them again the next morning, to receive the love, the smiles, and the jar of hearts they send back for me.

Anyway, I'm wishing that the birds choose my window for their nest this time. I think I should keep my shoe-box outside as an invitation, probably with some hay. Hmmm... So as I stared out of my window at the clear dawn and the rising sun, I regretted not having woken up earlier. I promised myself to make sure that I rise before the sun more often. Unwillingly, I left the window to get back to my daily chores after pulling the curtains down again, for the sun here can be really harsh and I'm absolutely not a sunny person. I'm more of a cloud-lover! Well... A hot bath, a little meditation, and I was as fresh as a fully bloomed flower with just a single dew drop on it's outermost petal.

I went over to my study table, which lies just next to the window, and occupied my chair, all set to log in to the virtual world. I pulled aside the curtains again, only to be completely dumbfounded. I couldn't see a thing outside. Absolute zilch visibility. I rubbed my eyes and looked out again, pushed my chair back, and stood a little too fast, only to startle my room-mate with her curtains closed! I slid aside the netted window and craned my neck out. Fog everywhere! I was in pure daze at the sight of the everlasting haze. Baffled by the fact that the sun was high above and it was almost 9 in the morning. Not the time you expect to see fog, in a place where winters feel like mild summer!

I exclaimed, almost cried out loud to my puzzled roomie to look out of the window. She pulled aside her curtains too, and I found myself a little pleased when she finally shared my flummox and amazement. We both watched this for a little more while, stupefied at the view outside. I even tried smelling the air, to make sure our building was not on fire, and the fog we saw was not really smoke! That would be a real foolish thing to do, admiring the beauty of a disaster... LOL! You can't blame me for this action. Come on, the same valley which was all clear a while back, was now filled with fog at the oddest of the times.

With the fact settling in that this strange unexpected thing has really happened, I ran back to get my camera to capture this moment, which was definitely for keeps in my Manipal Journal. The serenity of this moment is something I can't really describe. It reminded me of some beautiful times from the past. I will never stop being amazed as to how thought connections work, sliding you through the journey of time.

For a few moments, I was in a bus filled with people fast asleep, woken up by something very early in the morning to look out of the window, and find a sight to behold. At that moment, I remember looking back and blinking my eyes once, just once... to capture the togetherness and the familiarity. I remember a tear trickling out of the corner of my left eye followed by a smile. A relieved smile, an everlasting smile. For I knew then that I would always remember the way I felt at that moment.

Soon after, I snapped out of my reverie, only to find the trail of a single tear on my left cheek. Deja Vu! I think some memories will always come back, some feelings will never be replaced, some regrets will always last a lifetime, some chances will never be given, some words will never be heard, some promises will always be kept, and some dreams will always be dreamed. But, miracles will still always happen. Amen.