I want OUT of this....!

       Haven't written for long.... not outta touch though! Recently i ve been wondering a lot about my future.. N the confusion is frustrating me to the core... M confused like i have never ever been before! I wish i had never grown up... What was i even thinking as a kid when i wanted to be a BIG GIRL...! How stress-free those days were... Good old days!

       Presently the reason why i am so fondly remembering childhood is coz right now m at a loss o my wits... I'm scared about the decisions i need to make about my life... The decisions which are gonna shape my future... As kids, our toughest choices were limited to the kinda clothes we wanted to buy, or the choice of food in a hotel... As we grew, we somehow never had to make the big decisions of life... Our parents made it, or our stereo-typical society led us to those...

       I have realized that the social perceptions of future for a girl has brought me to the junction where i presently am... But what next...? I have no clue... All of a sudden i find no people to make decisions for me... It's up to me what i want to become... It's upto me how i see myself from now on... But what should i do when i don't see it... What should i do when i can't decide what's right for me and what not... what can i do when every person's opinions seems right... what should i do???!!!! 

       I look at some people with awe who know what they want... It's all planned... And it frustrates me all the more and i am inclined to make the decision of my life soon... The more i make a firm mind about a choice, the other one seems a lil more appealing... I jump to the later, and the former seems right again... I want OUT of this situation which is driving me crazy...!!! This is high time and my mind is a whirlwind of choices, and tough decisions... I have to act, act fast, act NOW.. before it's too late to decide....! 

       But yet again... i wish a miracle happens that shows me the right way... The way that's gonna help my bud blossom into a thing of beauty and get me joy forever... I wish i really knew what i wanted outta life... I wish... i wish...!

       Waiting for this big miracle.... waiting for that sign which will take me to my written destiny..... Then again they say, We become what we think of the most.... But what will i become when i see many versions of 'me' which don't seem to get along together...! Hoping for peace, praying God for a decision-making miracle....! Tathastu....!