Monday, December 12, 2011

I reckon with a Halo and a pair of Wings I would look like an Angel. A pretty one at that. ;-)

       Darkness has its own beauty, doesn't it? Here i am, sitting on my bed, with my laptop on my lap! Shayne Ward sings Breathless into my ears, goes on describing every girl's fairytale. The old 'ME' would hav been lost into that perfect Make-Believe world. But uh-uh... not anymore. I let him entertain me... but sorry i am not gonna fall for this mister... though i know i make you breathless. Cos soon the breathlessness is gonna choke you and you're gonna blame me!

                 "You just walked out of my dreams;
                   So beautiful, you're leaving me.. Breathless!"

       The only light in this room right now source from my screen that's almost blinding me, the space under the door, and the light from the creaks of the bathroom door which i must have forgotten to switch off after my hour-long shower! Oh that was refreshing, humming my favorite songs. A long shower is every bathroom singer's mania! I lean over to the switch and put it off. I am a 'Darker, the better' person as night falls. My screen seems to attract loads of insects! So I close the lid of my laptop and look over to my roomie. She's probably sound asleep. This is something different, cos usually i am always the first one to hit the sack. I look at her and i cant stop wondering how i look when i sleep! Does she look over at me too when i sleep and wonder the same thing? I have to ask her tomorrow.

        I look at that space below the door and as always, i'm tempted to block that light from creeping inside. But somethings are best left undisturbed. It freaks me when i see shadows of people walking outside when i sleep. I dont like it... That's when i turn towards the wall... staring at the comfort of the blankness that stares right back at me. Probably it sees the same blankness on my face too! Not a good thing. But it's also the only one who sees me smile when i dream of something beautiful and shed a few tears from the corners of closed eyes when the dream is sad. Deewaron ke bhi kaan hote hain? But mine has eyes. Eyes that bore into me all day... and night. It says nothing, but knows it all. Sounds familiar!

        Anyway, i just looked out of the window as my eyes searched for the radiant full moon. The one light i would never want to put off at night is the moonlight. But no, it has risen well above my vision and i am too lazy to walk to the window right now. Reminds me of the total lunar eclipse last night. Oh so beautiful..! The universe mesmerizes me with it's magical treats everytime something like this happens. I stood/sat at my window watching the beauty of it for THREE full hours with no clue of time, which left me wondering later whether that qualifies me as a Moon-watcher or a Freak!

        The mirror on my right reflects me glowing in the dark this moment which has brought a crazy thought in my head. I reckon with a Halo and a pair of Wings i would look like an Angel. A pretty one at that. ;-) LOL.... U never know... cos... Miracles happen!

Sunday, December 11, 2011

True goodbyes are the ones never said or explained.

       It's a Sunday night and it's a strange feeling. I have a few butterflies in my stomach. No, not because i am nervous, and not because i am leaving... But because others are. Everywhere i see, there are bags being wheeled away... A few Hugs and kisses here, and a few more there... n tears everywhere... Everyday is a new Goodbye, with no guarantees of another Hello..! It's like Joey (from FRIENDS) says to Chandler - "It's like the end of an Era!" How i wish my friends moved just 'across' too! But life's no show cast on the TV, where everything turns out great. Reality kills when it dawns on me that this MIGHT be it...! I hate Goodbyes...

       True goodbyes are the ones never said or explained...? I think it's true... A silent smile is the best goodbye. The silence says it all. Outta this chaos, i observed one thing, inspite of feeling so shitty, i am not crying. Tears and me have a very strong bond... OH so very strong if you have to ask... We've got an awesome history together. But since my 'I wanna be strong' motto has taken over my life, my tears seem to have taken a backseat. Am i becoming less emotional? I dont think so. I still FEEL very deeply in every situation. But i guess having emotions doesn't make you weak, Tears do!


"Why can't we get all the people together in the world that we really like and then just stay together? I guess that wouldn't work. Someone would leave. Someone always leaves. Then we would have to say good-bye. I hate good-byes. I know what I need. I need more hellos!"

Thursday, December 8, 2011

If life was one long text message, i would never wanna use the sad smiley again.... EVER!

      Away from all the screaming madness around and inside me, i seem to have found a quiet little sensible place in my heart. It somehow seems to be taking over me. Looking back to myself, is like looking into a tunnel, with light at the end. Yeah.. There was light... and then there was darkness, then there was pitch darkness, but i guess i found my way out of the tunnel again. Now i find light flooding me out. That's good. Darkness is comfortable, but i dont wanna go back in there.
      How people tend to live in their comfort zone. Looking back, its scary sometimes. When you get a little too comfortable with yourself for too long, i think it's time for a reality check! Those times when you just wanna be. You want to be left alone. You just wanna do nothing. You whine and cry and brood over literally everything around you. Everything in your life seems to go wrong. You want to laze yourself all day long, two days, a week, and more. Then you know you are in trouble..! 
      I ve crawled out of my comfort zone to glide into a new arena. I dont wanna settle yet. Life's just beginning. There is so much i wanted to do as a lil one. Let's take five minutes outta our days and think- What did we think our life would be like now when we were little? I for one had a lotto things i thought i would have done by now. And now introspecting, i find myself not even close.When things dont work out for a long time, then you know something's really wrong, and something needs to be done. It's like a personality emergency!
      We have so many plans for our future all the time that we have no time to live in the present. We are sooooo busy planning our future, we have no time to carry out the plans already chalked out in the past! When we cant get ourselves up and running to yday's dreams, what is the guarranty that today's dream is gonna come true tomorrow or in the near future?!

         It can surely come true, but that can happen only when we begin, when we 'DO'...! Passion, hard work... is a must for every little thing. It's so refreshing to feel sunny. To feel good all the time. To not let sadness hover over you. To not be addicted to your thoughts, your dreams to an extent that you tend to float forever. To be able to choose the thoughts you want to let into your mind and think and send the other ones right out...! I like this new game. Being Strong is my new motto. After all we become what we think we are. If i think i am vulnerable... oh yes i am! If i think i am strong, Oh hell yeah, I am! ;)
       If life was one long text message, i would never wanna use the sad smiley again.... EVER! He is happy who thinks he is...! Ting! :D
       Miracles happen.... Happened to me..... N still happening....!!!!! :)