With an unsaid promise, is an unheard plea to the Universe.

       

Mistakes from the past have their own bitter way of crawling into the skin of the present. Times like these, you can say nothing. Not because you don't know what to say, but because you deserve it. Karma? I don't know. I often wonder why there is no Rule Book to live life peacefully. A definite set of steps leading to a perfectly happy life, like in school days. Then there was a secure bubble, inside which there was happiness, safety, sense of comfort, confidence, perfection, protection. There were rules, difficult then, but looks simple now. Following which made you a perfect student... a perfect child. But then we were always eager to break rules. And now that there are no rules, we are always in search of them.

There must exist a universal rule for happiness, which we give a blind eye to. Attachment is a b***h...! It gives you the experience of the extremes. Total happiness and drowning sorrows. I guess there is a way to eternal happiness, like the Yogis up in the Himalayas. They are not even attached to their own bodies! There is no fear of losing anything, there is no fear of losing anyone... nor lies the fear of death, cos they do not fear losing their own bodies either. Their life revolves around their soul i guess, the one which never dies. I can't even start to imagine the difficulties and hardships they must have gone through before achieving such a state of mind. But it must surely be worth the relief, the peace, the realisation.

Work is worship. There are no fruits without hard work. There is a lot to do in this life. Laziness is our biggest enemy. I am up to fight it. It's simple. You just have to force yourself into lifting your a*s up the chair everytime you need to get going, but don't...!

I certainly don't know much about what i am talking about. I just know that i know the right thing in my head, i am waiting for it to sink to my heart. Cos i think from my heart. And until my heart tells me it's ok, it doesn't reflect in my actions. I say when life gives a second chance, take it. I have taken mine, with all my wishes and prayers attached. With an unsaid promise, is an unheard plea to the Universe to make this work. 

"I'm holding your hand,

but you will never know.

No, not because i need you,

but because i promised to.

It's unsaid, it's unheard,

You will have no clue,

Because.... you don't have to!"

Given a chance, i would re-live being grandpa's sunshine again!

In today's super-speedy life, we find ourselves not having time enough to say Good Morning to a 'news-paper-reading' father, or give a mother her well-deserved hug as we leave home only to return late. There is no time to touch the feet of the 'wise-old' gramps, who just sit and watch each generation get smarter and weirder, or say a simple heartfelt I LOVE YOU to your partner, or for that matter, kiss your child Good Night!

When such a packed life poses a question like- "If you had two extra hours in a day, how would you spend it?", like most people; i find myself in a dilemma...! A grave one.

There's a part of me that wants to just laze around and have fun, but then there's another which sends me to a guilt-trip every time i sit idle. We have this strange disease of procrastinating chores just to enjoy more laziness, or to catch 'just-one-more' wink of sleep! And then we find ourselves complaining about lack of time. This amount of time we choose to laze around- being jobless, is compensated by cutting on quality time meant for the people we love. 

Ever wondered why the loved ones are the ones to face this harsh cut? I think i know why. It's cos we take them for granted. We know, that no matter what, these are the people who will always BE. Loved ones are those to whom a small act of a happy deed, however insignificant it be, their happiness is amplified... ten-folds. This reminds me my vacation at my grandparents' home as a kid!

 My Grandad, whom i fondly call 'Ajja' woke up early morning, everyday, same time, from the same side of the bed, traced the same set of steps before stepping outta the house to pluck flowers from the same plants, to be offered to the same temple soon after. No kid likes waking up early, especially when its a holiday! I was no exception either. But i had a strange fascination watching Ajja go around the home, pluck just one or two blooms from each plant in the compound, making sure there are no buds harmed, treading through them ever so delicately. I followed him holding the same basket in my hands as carefully as i could. It made me feel loved and special...! He taught me all the names of the flowers, and their behavior in the process. I wondered what it would be like if Ajja taught at school! Wishful thinking?!

The dirty, muddy me after the whole garden survey would be greeted in with a pretending-to-be mad mom who would quickly send me to a quick bath as all the super gross clothes piled up in the buckets. Wonder what she would have done if not for Surf Excel. Oh, i so loved the fragrance of the fresh clothes after bath!

Fresh and all cleaned up, I diligently followed Ajja to the temple too, every single day. He told me stories about the God in the temple. I wished his stories never ended. I watched the priests give him the special Prasad everyday, the privilege earned over years of persevered visits to the temple! Every vacation offered me the same routine, the same path, the same turns, the same temple and the same stories. But never-the-less, i lovvvvd it cos it was OUR THING! This is one of my best memories from the chapter of my childhood.

Years passed, i grew up... not a kid anymore, they grew older too and shifted homes to live in a flat. Things were never the same again. Vacations were never the same again. The bond was same, but it lacked the little things that made it more special. It lacked spending quality time together. The magical journey through the fairyland of the little princess with her wise old King-Ajja every morning was soon compromised for the time spent watching late night movies, 24x7 internet, chatting with friends.. transforming the lil morning sunshine to the Queen of the night!


This being just one incident from one chapter of my life, i am sure there are lots i can list as an example. What i am trying to tell here is, let's do little things that bring joy to us and our loved ones. Lets indulge in quality time with them, for.. one glowing smile from them brightens our day, so why not give them that little part of our life that they deserve. Given a chance, i would love to spend more time doing things with my grandparents... my parents... my loved ones. Strengthen the bond... become Miss.Sunshine again...!

 

Mr.Sun, Mr.Lazy and a game of Hide n Seek!

Lagan lagi tumse mann ki lagan.....

I'm a few hours away from what is going to be my last first sessional and here i am, as chilled as ever. I look at my economics notes, and all i see is numbers, some set of vertical and horizontal lines, some arrows and some blah-blah shit! I look away and have the irresistible feeling of never looking back at it again.

Gali gali ghoome, dil tujhe dhoonde....

There's music playing from my brand new playlist and i'm room-alone. There's this glass of tea i just made and a packet of snacks i like to call 'Wheels'. My tummy growls with hunger that a packet of junk can never satisfy. But my legs who have recently befriended Mr.Lazy refuse to move my ass out of the room.

Tere bin tarse nayan.....

The ambience in the room is perfect somehow. I sit by the window, curtains drawn. After a week of wet soaken days of hide and seek, the hidden sun has finally decided to seek! I don't like it.. I prefer cloudy days. I hate going out in rain. But i love rains when i am all cozy in my room. Cloudy days always inspire me to do what i've always wanted to. It lets me get lost which i most of the times am. At the same time it makes life look beautiful and perfect.

Bol na halke halke....

I think Mr.Sun has somehow gotten into a misconception that i am playing hide and seek with it. It somehow finds a gap between my curtains to shine right into my right eye! No sunny dear... I sure am hiding from you, but i do NOT want you to seek me. We'll play some other time. So..

Dhaage tod laao chandni se noor ke....
Ghoongat hi bana lo roshni se noor ke....

I like the early morning sunshine. That has the same effect on me. But the brighter it gets, somehow the magic seems to disappear. The same sun and the same view which seemed to rejoice with me early morning seems to resent me in the noon! Gets me back to reality. I need a lot of exposure to gruelling sun??? Coz i seem to always live in a world made up in my mind! Anyway, the heart wants what the heart wants.

Woh ek din sau saal ka...
Sau saal ki woh raat thi...

Okayyy... REALITY reminds me-  i was supposed to be studying right now.. wasn't i??? See... getting lost??? Didn't i just say it happens to me something like, ALL THE FREAKING TIME!!! Whew... I look back at my notes now reluctantly, and the arrows seem to whizz out of the page one by one and poke me everywhere! Ouch! Ok ok.. I am coming, I am coming!

Gaye tum gaye ho kyon...
Har baat baaki hai...
Gaye kyon, jiyein kyon...