I am in SILENCE....!

    Silence is the best gift for the mankind. But we fail to notice the importance and beauty of it. Silence is beautiful and helps us notice a thousand things that we wouldn't have otherwise... both internally and externally.

    There are so many thoughts in our minds all the time. Most of the times, we are so impulsive that we act even before we think. And then regret the consequences. We say things which we shouln't say and do things which we shouldn't do. Silence is such a beautiful thing. Not being able to hear your own voice is very intimidating sometimes. Our outer voice seems to drown the inner voice all the time. But as our outer voice stops, the inner voice gets its volume. It begins to speak up!

    It's in this state that we realise our qualities, our mistakes. It's this  silence that will help us differentiate between right and wrong. Resisting the urge to blurt out something is very difficult. It's very very difficult to shut up. It's such a challenge. But controlling the urge to speak out immediately will bear fruits later as we realise that things turn out wonderfully bright, for an unuttered word is any day better than an unnecessarily spoken word. The words once spoken, the harm once done, the damage once occured, can never be undone!

    So it's always better to shut up and speak up at a later time. Impulsive actions are troublesome at times. A pinch of silence is necessary in everyone's life everyday. To stabilize our train of thoughts, to regain our focus, to calm our minds, to realise our follies and to relish our achievements. Regrets can last a lifetime, but a timely change of events can definitely save the world, you and me!

 

Ring my bells.........

 
      There's something about the sound of the bell in this temple. It's a beautiful treat to the ear as it resonates all over the empty place. The silence experienced in here is bliss. I sit, i close my eyes 'cos i want to meditate. But whoooosh! All thoughts come jumping in from different directions. Who knew sooo many directions existed at all! They pop in uninvited, without prior notice. One by one, the whole place is crowded with noisy thoughts making it impossible to enjoy the calm, the peace of the surroundings.

    Then someone rings the bell... and zap! All thoughts get lost in a second and my mind is as empty as the temple is. I am aware of the moment i am in. And it feels beautiful. I can hear the bird cooing now, i can hear the squirrel squeaking its heart out, i can hear the winds as they struggle in through the temple bars, the rustling of the leaves to the drops falling out one by one outta the pipe just outside.

    I decide to use a focus point of the present and choose to use the sound of the water drops. Every time i hear a drop i get my mind back to the present. It's difficult. After a while all the thoughts that were pushed out try sneaking in! Another drop, n i push them out further. After some time, its not so difficult anymore. It's like a game. Now it's a competition between my present and my 'past+future'! I definitely want to be a winner in my future but i have learnt not to ruin my present for a time which no one can see.. not yet atleast! What if tomorrow never comes. Then would you like dying a loser?! So to be a winner now, i start with this silly lil competition and swear to win it at any cost. N trust me though it sounds silly, i think it's one of the most difficult game to play.

    The 'uninvited' bad thoughts are really good at what they do. Practice makes a man perfect? Well.. these cruel creatures are the best at what they do.But i will try my best to not let 'em choose me to be a prey anymore... uh huh! 'Cos now i have someone else to practice on me for. My present. I want my present moments to practice stayin on me as long as they can without crossing the boundaries! Another fun game??? ;-)

    With all these scheming happening inside my mind, there's another bell that chimes and i open my eyes. I see the time. It's been a good half an hour!!! One of my longest...(yes.. m not a pro! Not yet!) Feeling as refreshed as ever, i walk over to the sanctum sanctorum. Bow to the Almighty, surrender my disturbed thoughts to Him for keeping them away from me till i am strong enough to shoo them away myself!!!!!

    Eat, Pray, Love??? I seem to be doing it in the reverse today... Love, Pray.... EAT??? My stomach growls and it angrily reminds me that food for thought doesn't qualify as food for a hungry tummy! :-P Noodles! Oops... i mean....Toodles! ;-)

I opened my eyes a second time.... You made me!

    There are two times in my lifetime that i opened my eyes. The first time, I fell in love with my mother and the second time, I fell in love with something divine. The first time, i learnt to see and the second time, i learnt to see through. The first, i learnt to live for myself and the second, i learnt to live for love. The first time, i breathed to stay alive and the second time, someone took my breath away.

     The second eye-opener showed me a mirror. The mirror of reality. It wiped the fog of fantasy and cleared my view towards life. The mirror still gets misty, but it taught me to wipe it in time. I realised it wasn't dark out there. It never was. It was me, with my eyes closed all along. It taught me i can be my own sunshine and my own cloud... whichever i chose to see! The first time, i saw clouds and the second, i saw the clouds part to reveal the sun. The clouds keep forming. Sometimes a beautiful blue, and sometimes the dark ones. But it taught me every cloud has a silver lining, and every dark cloud pours down into rain.

    The first time, i learnt to breathe and the second, i learnt to live. The eye-opener is not an incident but a soul. A soul so special in my life,not because of its beauty, but cos of the things it made me do, cos of the things it opened in front of me, cos of the beautiful moments it bestowed on me, cos of the strength it generated in me! It ripped me apart and let light enter the dark spaces. It pushed out the negatives, to make place for more positives. It showed me what i lack and what i'm lacking. It broke open my shell and gave me wings to fly. It did so many things it still doesn't know!

     This soul is beautiful and serene. It's pure and clean. It's generous and forgiving. It's promising and caring. It's a mature kid as well as an immature adult. It's the incarnation of righteousness and the embodiment of true love. This soul belongs to a Hero who says nothing but still says it all, who hears nothing but still knows it all.

    This soul travels with me everyplace, and now dwells in my subconsciousness. It scolds like a mother and pampers like a dad. It spoils like a friend and shares secrets like a soulmate-


"A true soul mate is a mirror, the person who shows you everything that’s holding you back, the person who brings you to your own attention so you can change your life. A true soul mate is probably the most important person you’ll ever meet, because they tear down your walls and smack you awake. They come into your life just to reveal another layer of yourself to you! "

      On this special day i want to thank this soul for being one with mine. For the innumerous memories to last for a lifetime. Want to tell the soul that i do not know the purpose of its existence this life but i do know one thing, that this soul was born to give birth to me for the second time, to the same world but a different outlook. Now when i close my eyes, i dont see the darkness of the clouds, but a night with twinkling stars. When i open my eyes, I dont see clouds closing in, but clouds making way for the sun. My eyes get misty when the clouds from the past surface into the present, but the vision of a bright future leaves me unshaken.

    The soul just glides alongside always, sometimes visible, sometimes invisible, sometimes thought about and some other times just felt... and sometimes maybe i am just hallucinating! You are special... very! You are thought about all the time and included in every prayer that follows!

....I am magically grounded to reality!

       I'm a dreamer. I love dreaming all the time. Transporting to a magical land that doesn't exist has been my daily to and fro journey. How i wish i could stay there forever. Forever happy, forever good, forever beautiful. Imagining something is 'as real as' living a perfect life for people like me. Getting out of the dream to reality hits us like a bitch! I always wondered what i should do... I love my magical world, at the same time i need to be realistic. I finally got my answer in the book - Eat, Pray, Love by Elizabeth Gilbert.
       Ketut's magic drawing has stuck such an impression in my mind, heart and soul. It's such a beautiful concept.....

"To find the balance you want, this is what you must become. You must keep your feet grounded so firmly on the earth that it's like you have 4 legs instead of 2. That way, you can stay in the world. But you must stop looking at the world through your head. You must look through your heart, instead. That way, you will know God."

        Howwww beee-yooo-tiful...!!! From the time i first read it, i ve read it over and over again a million times and i still haven't been able to digest the beauty of this. How simple and how genius! I call this concept as being 'MAGICALLY GROUNDED'. It helps me see the world as a magical beautiful place while i keep myself grounded to reality. The legs keep reminding me the harsh reality, the practicality of life, while the 'Looking through your heart and not the head' helps me connect to every person, every creature around. It gives me the calm, undisturbed mind I sometimes need. A peaceful atmosphere to dwell a tired mind.
        Just looking through your heart without your foot grounded firmly would never help. I plan to draw this picture myself soon and stick it to my wall of fame... ;-) There's so much to learn, there are sooo many beautiful theories out there. I wish i come across all the best ones. I pray God to give me wisdom enough to understand, appreciate and implement the ones i really do some across. Tathastu.

Someday, I'll have a rainbow in my eyes...

    

     Colors...! They make me sooo happy! I sit at my table and i cant take my eyes off my wall. There are times when i just love to stare at it forever. I have these sticky colorful notes all over with my favorite quotes. They always seem to speak to me.

    There are times when a troubled mind finds no peace. I look outta my window, praying God to help me out. To send me a rainbow. I look in and my eyes automatically search the colors on my wall, and there's always ONE particular quote that seems to scream out at me. And the more i look at it, the more relaxed and focussed i get. I get my solutions and my mind is untroubled. Right, positive, cheerful quotes on colorful papers always do the trick for me.

    Sometimes without a reason, i like to look around and read all of those to myself. And other times, unintentionally, my subconscious mind seems to be taking it all in. So i recommend its a fun way to be positive and happy. Ofcourse, the real strength lies in your mind. But if something helps, then why not... right?! Geez! Call me a color freak, but I'm proud of the bedsheet my bed sports most of the time. I could play 'Color color, what color do you choose' and win every game without moving out of my bed!

    I've always had this soft spot for stationeries. Anything, any kind. It just fascinates me.There's not a time when i go out to buy something, and i haven't had the urge to buy one of every kind, every shape and every color! I dream of having one big collection in my home someday where i could just go and look at it when i feel so. I wouldn't mind not using them all my life. Just looking at them- all brand-new, unopened, colorful, shiny, neatly stacked- gives me such pleasure! Gets a lil smile on my face and a sparkle in my eyes. I feel like how a 3 year old might feel in Disneyland.(Bdw I'm 21, and i still dream of visiting Disneyland someday!)

    Someday, I'll have it all.... Someday, I'll have every color in my life.....Someday, I'll have my perfect beautiful rainbow in my eyes... Someday, i'll have successfully gone through every shade this life has to offer for me....Someday, I'll sit and stare at it all....And then I'll go back to this day and play a lil 'Color-color' game... Me with myself... Present with the past.... And i hope with all the colors in my heart that the future 'Present' comes out as the winner. Amen.