Tuesday, February 14, 2012

She loved like she should, but lived like she shouldn't.

As she lay down on her bed after an exhausting day, she closed her tired eyes. They burned as she shut them. But along with the burn was relief. She was back after a long day at the plaza. Throwing her belongings on the already messy chair, she changed into her PJs within a few minutes. She headed straight to the bath to splash some cold water on her pale face. Ahh! That was very welcoming. She tiptoed to the soft mat just outside the bath which read 'YOU'RE THE BEST', and let it soak with all the excess water from her not-so-happy feet. She then carefully stepped out of the mat making sure not to slip on the smooth white floor. As she took yet another step, she looked back at the mat and snapped, "Yeah Right!"

Reaching for the switchboard, she turned off all the lights, only after parting the curtains aside. Her day was getting darker. She didn't like it. It reminded her of something or someone. She shook off the thoughts as she reached for the topmost shelf where she kept her candles. She had never used them before. It was a parting gift from her friend. Thinking of her brought a smile to her face. The times they shared gossiping and giggling into the night! She longed for a night like that. She could gratefully use one of those like.. right now! Sigh. Switching off the noisy fan, she lit one of the candles and placed it on her table. The candle cast an eerie feel to the room. But she didn't care. There was much to ponder on than be scared by the shadow play on the wall, thanks to the still slowly rotating blades of the fan. She slumped into her bed and closed her eyes. 

Courtesy
And there she was, lying down without moving a hair. Her eyes were thankful to rest after a long day, but not her mind. She prayed for some quiet, some silence, some peace! Mind you, everything around her was noise-free. But within her, there was chaos.. of the highest order. She literally SSSHHHH'd her thoughts with a helpless hope that it would work. But no, it didn't. The mess was getting messier by the second. The idle mind wasn't helping. She needed a good, dreamless sleep. No music could calm her now. The only music able to calm her burning nerves was a voice which no longer resonated with her existence. 

Her thoughts carried her back into the day when she sat at the reception of the huge gift house she worked at, wearing a Red T-shirt which read, 'MAY I HELP YOU?' Her job was to smile at every customer who entered and every customer who exited. And sometimes manage the little kids who didn't let their parents shop. Well.. she didn't mind it as long as it paid her bills. But there she was today, plastered with a fake smile on her face. It was the Valentine's the next day, and it was her favorite day of the year. But not this time. For the first time, she hated her job. She did not like helping every other soul who entered wanting to buy the best romantic gift for their valentine. She hated listening to them describe their love life. At the end of the day, she had sulked and snapped at people enough to get herself fired. 


She marched out of the plaza, trying to stop her tears that were now spilling out of her eyes which had now turned red. It was matching both her face, as well as her T-shirt. She rushed to the nearest washroom, and grabbed some tissues out of her bag. She looked like a mess. The sight of her in the mirror tortured her eyes. She hated RED today.. everything about it. Her reflection read 'MAY I HELP YOU?' and she laughed at the irony. She tore down the hearts stuck on the corner of the mirror inviting people to join the Valentine's Day party. It read, 'LOVE IS IN THE AIR'. Then why was she not feeling it. She stormed out of the building and took the next bus back home.

She snapped out of her thoughts as her cell phone beeped. The light from it blinded her eyes in the darkness. She hoped against hope that a familiar name flashes on the screen. She squinted into it finding yet another Valentine's day offer advertisement. She silenced her mobile, frustrated and threw it under the bed. She knew she would be in bed all day tomorrow curled up in the sheets. She didn't want to sleep yet, cos she knew she would dream of him. But she didn't want to stay awake either, cos she knew she would think of him. She cried loudly into her pillow, but all that could be heard was a muffled holler.

Consoling herself, she walked to her window trying to find solace in the silent night. She half wished there was atleast a single star shining for her in the sky. But alas! Even the stars had forsaken her tonight. She stared out into the nothingness, and then her ears caught some music probably blaring from another window far away. And just when she was about to give up guessing the song, it got louder.

For once I'm at peace with myself.. I've been burdened with blame, trapped in the past for too long.. I'm movin' on!!!
  
I'm Moving on by Rascal Flats. It was like someone was playing this song just for her. Whoever was playing this song on the eve of Valentine's had to be going through the same as her she thought. And suddenly she did not feel alone anymore. Suddenly she didn't feel anything. She searched her mind, but there was nothing. There was peace. There was silence. There was melody. 

At last I can see life has been patiently waiting for me.. And I know there's no guarantees, but I'm not alone.. There comes a time in everyone's life.. When all you can see are the years passing by.. And I have made up my mind that those days are gone.

Courtesy
As she continued to stare out into the darkness, a smile crept on her face and her eyes grew wide. She had just witnessed a falling star. She closed her eyes, joined her hands, held em close to her heart. She wished, and when she was done, she was content. She wished for him. She wished that he celebrate his best Valentine's Day ever, even if it wasn't with her. Content with how the day ended, she slipped inside her blankets and fell asleep the minute her head touched the pillow... while far under her bed, at the strike of twelve her phone blinked violently with that familiar name she had wished to see earlier. But only this time, she wouldn't regret.




14 comments:

  1. Sometimes, we find peace in ourselves. Great narration...:)

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    1. Hey Saru, true... that's all that matters at the end of the day i think. Thanx much.. Happy Valentine's Day to u!

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  2. its way past midnight & my phone hasn't rung yet. However I've got this post to give me company (: Enjoyed reading it

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    1. Thanx Kartik... Hope your phone rings soon.. make sure it isn't on silent mode.. ;-) Happy Valentine's... Cheers!

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  3. Very nicely written, Pranita. Happy Valentines!

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    1. Thanx a lot :) Happy Valentine's day to u too... Cheers!

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  4. Thankfully this didn't end sad after all! Ha! :) Valentine's is suppose to spread the joy to every single soul and I'm glad this girl found her solace.:)

    It's always like that right? Only when we are at the end of our tether ..end of that dark tunnel..does line shine through and no matter how small the ray of light is we bring ourselves to terms! :)It's a sad-sweet joy,I guess!

    Happy Valentine's sweet Pranita!! :)

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    1. Hey Jen... that's true... That was the whole idea about the post.. Valentine's day is not just a day for romance or expressing love... i think its also a day to come up to terms with what love really is!

      Love shouldn't be something that doesn't make you feel good inside... HAppy Valentine's to u too JEN! :D

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  5. Hey Pranita,

    A surprise awaits you at http://intertwinedthoughts.blogspot.com
    Hope you like it!

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    1. Wow! Thanks so much Divya... that's such an honour.. this is my first blogger award! :D Thank youuuuuuu! I liked it? I lovvvvvvvd it! :)

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  6. Replies
    1. Thanks DD... A Divya after a Divya... :D

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  7. Very nicely expressed.
    True, indeed, being at peace :)
    Regards:)

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