In hindsight from the beyond.

She looked beautiful as he saw her sleeping. The sun had risen just enough to cast a breath-taking glow on her pale face. She looked perfect, in her satin blue nightgown. As the wind gently caressed her golden hair. She moved just a little and snuggled inside her white cover. It was cold, and the window was open. He left her side to go shut it only to realize that the stopper had been broken for quite some time now. He remembered her bickering to him about it almost every evening when he came back home, for a while and then she stopped. He never thought of the chill it gave her since he had been spending most of his nights in the study or fell asleep on the couch as he flipped through his files.

He came back to her side, and wished he could cuddle her up and provide some warmth. He wanted to but he couldn't. No, not because she would mind, not because his ego came in the way, but because he was dead! Not just dead from the inside. But he was really DEAD! He had been in a car accident on his way back home on that fateful night more than a month back. He had just left the office late in the night and as he got into his car, he recalled he was supposed to call a client by midnight and let him know that the deal was on. He had then gotten into the front seat and sped off with one hand on the steering wheel and one on his phone.

If she had been in there with him, she would have not let him drive without his seat belt on. She always fussed about him talking on the phone as he speeded. How much that pissed him off! It always ended up in petty arguments. But she wasn't with him that day, and he did what pleased him. As he spoke into the phone and drove along the highway, he had missed a traffic signal only to be hit by a speeding bus from the right which sent him colliding into another car and things had gotten deadly ugly. And the last thing he remembered was an unbearable pain surging through his head before everything went blank. Later when the ambulance came, he was declared dead on the spot!

Courtesy

He had seen himself being carried away. The medics trying their best to bring him back to life. But it was too late. As he looked on to his lifeless cold body on the hospital bed, he had the sudden urge to look back. There was no one. But within a split second, the door was pushed wide open and what he saw was a sight more pitiful than his own. It was her! His wife.. his beautiful wife. He smiled at her, but she did not smile back as she rushed through him to throw herself on his lifeless body.

 She wailed, she howled, she screamed as tears welled out non-stop from her red eyes. He knew she must have been crying all the way from home. He wondered who had informed her about his death. He did not wish to imagine how hard it might have been for her to receive the unfortunate news. He thought back to the times he did not pay heed to her words, the times she fought him for his own good, for his own safety. He thought of her deep concern for him, the times he stood her up for movies, for restaurants, for events. The times he did not pick her up while she waited.

Suddenly as he kept looking at her, he found all the blood rush off her face. He realized she was looking into his mobile phone. He went to stand behind her and tried to see what was bothering her. He read the message from the UNREAD folder she must have sent him earlier today which he had not bothered to read. It read- "Come home soon honey. Good news!" He wondered what the good news was, and as he looked at her again, he just knew it!!! For she had one hand on her belly as she lay her head over his body and cried harder.

His thoughts went back to the day when he came back home a little early, in time for dinner during which she had shared with him her deep wish to have a baby, that she felt lonely and did not feel his presence anymore. She had hoped having a baby would be a good idea, given that they were doing very good financially and the fact that she was a housewife. He had agreed for once. How he wished he was alive now! He wanted to hug her and tell her that he loved her and the little life within her. He wanted to cry too, but he couldn't because he was dead.

Courtesy

 He snapped out of his daze as she stirred in her sleep. He had spent every passing moment with her from the time she had left the crematorium. He had seen her laugh thinking about their time together, he had seen her cry thinking of the life they could have had had he driven carefully. Now as he stared at her lovely white face, he found something missing. It did not take time for him to figure that out. Her smile! It was missing. It had been missing from a long time now. The only time she smiled now was in her sleep when she dreamt about him. He knew she preferred sleeping longer these days because that was her only way of being with him.

He knew that he had lost his chance of being with her, of loving her as she deserved. He knew she had to move on.. for her happiness, for their baby!  He bent over her one last time, and kissed her belly as he left forever. Just before he left, he turned back. And.. she smiled.

Courtesy

She loved like she should, but lived like she shouldn't.

As she lay down on her bed after an exhausting day, she closed her tired eyes. They burned as she shut them. But along with the burn was relief. She was back after a long day at the plaza. Throwing her belongings on the already messy chair, she changed into her PJs within a few minutes. She headed straight to the bath to splash some cold water on her pale face. Ahh! That was very welcoming. She tiptoed to the soft mat just outside the bath which read 'YOU'RE THE BEST', and let it soak with all the excess water from her not-so-happy feet. She then carefully stepped out of the mat making sure not to slip on the smooth white floor. As she took yet another step, she looked back at the mat and snapped, "Yeah Right!"

Reaching for the switchboard, she turned off all the lights, only after parting the curtains aside. Her day was getting darker. She didn't like it. It reminded her of something or someone. She shook off the thoughts as she reached for the topmost shelf where she kept her candles. She had never used them before. It was a parting gift from her friend. Thinking of her brought a smile to her face. The times they shared gossiping and giggling into the night! She longed for a night like that. She could gratefully use one of those like.. right now! Sigh. Switching off the noisy fan, she lit one of the candles and placed it on her table. The candle cast an eerie feel to the room. But she didn't care. There was much to ponder on than be scared by the shadow play on the wall, thanks to the still slowly rotating blades of the fan. She slumped into her bed and closed her eyes. 

Courtesy

And there she was, lying down without moving a hair. Her eyes were thankful to rest after a long day, but not her mind. She prayed for some quiet, some silence, some peace! Mind you, everything around her was noise-free. But within her, there was chaos.. of the highest order. She literally SSSHHHH'd her thoughts with a helpless hope that it would work. But no, it didn't. The mess was getting messier by the second. The idle mind wasn't helping. She needed a good, dreamless sleep. No music could calm her now. The only music able to calm her burning nerves was a voice which no longer resonated with her existence. 

Her thoughts carried her back into the day when she sat at the reception of the huge gift house she worked at, wearing a Red T-shirt which read, 'MAY I HELP YOU?' Her job was to smile at every customer who entered and every customer who exited. And sometimes manage the little kids who didn't let their parents shop. Well.. she didn't mind it as long as it paid her bills. But there she was today, plastered with a fake smile on her face. It was the Valentine's the next day, and it was her favorite day of the year. But not this time. For the first time, she hated her job. She did not like helping every other soul who entered wanting to buy the best romantic gift for their valentine. She hated listening to them describe their love life. At the end of the day, she had sulked and snapped at people enough to get herself fired. 

She marched out of the plaza, trying to stop her tears that were now spilling out of her eyes which had now turned red. It was matching both her face, as well as her T-shirt. She rushed to the nearest washroom, and grabbed some tissues out of her bag. She looked like a mess. The sight of her in the mirror tortured her eyes. She hated RED today.. everything about it. Her reflection read 'MAY I HELP YOU?' and she laughed at the irony. She tore down the hearts stuck on the corner of the mirror inviting people to join the Valentine's Day party. It read, 'LOVE IS IN THE AIR'. Then why was she not feeling it. She stormed out of the building and took the next bus back home.

She snapped out of her thoughts as her cell phone beeped. The light from it blinded her eyes in the darkness. She hoped against hope that a familiar name flashes on the screen. She squinted into it finding yet another Valentine's day offer advertisement. She silenced her mobile, frustrated and threw it under the bed. She knew she would be in bed all day tomorrow curled up in the sheets. She didn't want to sleep yet, cos she knew she would dream of him. But she didn't want to stay awake either, cos she knew she would think of him. She cried loudly into her pillow, but all that could be heard was a muffled holler.

Consoling herself, she walked to her window trying to find solace in the silent night. She half wished there was atleast a single star shining for her in the sky. But alas! Even the stars had forsaken her tonight. She stared out into the nothingness, and then her ears caught some music probably blaring from another window far away. And just when she was about to give up guessing the song, it got louder.

For once I'm at peace with myself.. I've been burdened with blame, trapped in the past for too long.. I'm movin' on!!!

  

I'm Moving on by Rascal Flats. It was like someone was playing this song just for her. Whoever was playing this song on the eve of Valentine's had to be going through the same as her she thought. And suddenly she did not feel alone anymore. Suddenly she didn't feel anything. She searched her mind, but there was nothing. There was peace. There was silence. There was melody. 

At last I can see life has been patiently waiting for me.. And I know there's no guarantees, but I'm not alone.. There comes a time in everyone's life.. When all you can see are the years passing by.. And I have made up my mind that those days are gone.

Courtesy

As she continued to stare out into the darkness, a smile crept on her face and her eyes grew wide. She had just witnessed a falling star. She closed her eyes, joined her hands, held em close to her heart. She wished, and when she was done, she was content. She wished for him. She wished that he celebrate his best Valentine's Day ever, even if it wasn't with her. Content with how the day ended, she slipped inside her blankets and fell asleep the minute her head touched the pillow... while far under her bed, at the strike of twelve her phone blinked violently with that familiar name she had wished to see earlier. But only this time, she wouldn't regret.