I donno where i'm going, but i like the direction!

       Just saw Katrina on a fun trip with her tele-mom in the new Titan ad...! Loved the tagline that followed which is also the title to this post. Cool eh? Kinda love the feel to it cos there's more to the meaning. Cos that's kinda the story of my life. But is it everyone's ??? I somehow never know where i'm going.. where my path will lead me to.. whether it has a dead end or its like a never ending road. But i ve come in terms with the mysterious ways of life.

       Learning to enjoy the journey rather than wait for the destination to be happy! Good enough? I find some people who seem to know exactly what they are doing and where they're going with it. So much clarity? That must be a great feeling. Would love to feel it sometime. But do they enjoy the ride as well... or are they anxiously waiting to reach their goal? I donno... perhaps, never will..! Meanwhile, i rather have my fun with the mystery My future has to offer me! :D

       Well... that said... I am totally bored right now. No cooking today since there's too much in the fridge to finish up!!! N there's never something worth WASTE-ing in my family... Mommy rules! N she's right.. A penny not wasted is a penny saved. So that leaves me with time for other things. But what 'thing' do i do in this biting cold? Have the paints and brushes bought the other day to make a name plate for dad to hang outside in the place of the plain paper print!!! Felt his name deserves a more majestic platform than that. So i guess I ll get started on that now.

       Mom's watching Modern Family on tv. I like the fact that she enjoys watching english flicks and series and not just the typical saas-bahu serials. We never have a remote fight.. ever! It's always 'Mom n Me' vs 'Daddy' :D And u can guess who wins... Mum's the word! Hehe.. As dad likes to call it... V are his Gang of girls...! Love it when he calls us that. Cos behind every fight we have, there's that unsaid happiness of being together.. be it fun or fight... Or should i call em fun-fights! As long as it brings in the satisfaction of togetherness, we dont really mind. We donno where we're going, as long as we are together, we love the direction! Modified and cooler? Fits us... Toodles...!
       

The freaking never ending TO-DO list keeps her awake!

       The familiarity of the things back home feels so warm this winter. As i sit indoors and look around my home, nothing much has changed for the past 21+ years except the people. We are growing older.. and wiser? Err! I donno about that.. haha.. :D How often do we get a chance to mend stuff in time? A stitch in time saves nine right? What if u start stitching after the ninth... Holds good??? I truly hope so.

       I think i have stitched pretty many holes in the blanket of my life. And m making sure it doesnt tear anymore. U dont have to stitch it up if you dont let it rip at the first place right! It's such a happy feeling having control on our lives. I look back and feel stupid. But luckily my looking back days are over. Looking forward is the new 'IN' thing for me... What's done is over and what is yet to be done is my new 'TO-DO' list. Checking off items on my list is pure joy. I work now so that i get to mark DONE on my TO-DO! Cute? :P

       One of the many things i always wanted to do and never did? Cooking...! On my own... and with style! DONE! Tastes great too... I am surprised! Pleasantly...! So are Amma and Pappa... Amma is just glad to be off kitchen for a while and enjoys being served. Something she's been doing since.... Um! Forever? She deserves her little break. And Pappa? He's just the most adorable person i ve ever met all my life.. and not just cos he's my father. I remember him fight with mom and eat the Amoeba-shaped Chapatis i made as a kid, half-burnt and totally un-edible. He literally relished it. Every bit of it. Cuter?

       I watch them sound asleep at times and my eyes moisten up. They look tired now. They look old. Years of hard work, slogging, worrying, saving. All this for? Themselves? No... I wish the answer was Yes... But its not and i know it never will be. It will always be for their little princess- Me..! The princess who's not little anymore. I look at myself and i realise i've grown. I've grown old enough to assume certain responsibilties...! But have i... No.. Not yet.. Not much... But i must and that is what i intend to do now.

       Someone rightly put it to me once never to consider anyone GOD-like in life. Indian customs and traditions portray our Parents as God. Right in a way. But sometimes it's too much unknown pressure on a parent isn't it? For one, i have always had this undying confidence in Pappa that NOTHING... u name it... there's NOTHING my dad cannot handle or deal with. This assumption has kept me protected and unknowingly i ve depended on Him so much that he is handling the extra pressure... again unknowingly!

       This sleeping Lioness is wide awake now. And there is no time for sleep until my hunt is over! Heavy words? Wont sound so when i tell you i am getting a good 10 hours sleep daily! Cutest? Haha... It's getting chillier every passing moment. I sit at my desktop all covered up and cosy in my blanket(with no holes) with only my hands exposed to the cold on the keyboard. And they seem toooo reluctant to be out there longer. So i better sign off now before they decide to freeze!

      Miracles happen folks... It's happening.. like.. right NOW!

I reckon with a Halo and a pair of Wings I would look like an Angel. A pretty one at that. ;-)

       Darkness has its own beauty, doesn't it? Here i am, sitting on my bed, with my laptop on my lap! Shayne Ward sings Breathless into my ears, goes on describing every girl's fairytale. The old 'ME' would hav been lost into that perfect Make-Believe world. But uh-uh... not anymore. I let him entertain me... but sorry i am not gonna fall for this mister... though i know i make you breathless. Cos soon the breathlessness is gonna choke you and you're gonna blame me!

                 "You just walked out of my dreams;
                   So beautiful, you're leaving me.. Breathless!"

       The only light in this room right now source from my screen that's almost blinding me, the space under the door, and the light from the creaks of the bathroom door which i must have forgotten to switch off after my hour-long shower! Oh that was refreshing, humming my favorite songs. A long shower is every bathroom singer's mania! I lean over to the switch and put it off. I am a 'Darker, the better' person as night falls. My screen seems to attract loads of insects! So I close the lid of my laptop and look over to my roomie. She's probably sound asleep. This is something different, cos usually i am always the first one to hit the sack. I look at her and i cant stop wondering how i look when i sleep! Does she look over at me too when i sleep and wonder the same thing? I have to ask her tomorrow.

     
        I look at that space below the door and as always, i'm tempted to block that light from creeping inside. But somethings are best left undisturbed. It freaks me when i see shadows of people walking outside when i sleep. I dont like it... That's when i turn towards the wall... staring at the comfort of the blankness that stares right back at me. Probably it sees the same blankness on my face too! Not a good thing. But it's also the only one who sees me smile when i dream of something beautiful and shed a few tears from the corners of closed eyes when the dream is sad. Deewaron ke bhi kaan hote hain? But mine has eyes. Eyes that bore into me all day... and night. It says nothing, but knows it all. Sounds familiar!

        Anyway, i just looked out of the window as my eyes searched for the radiant full moon. The one light i would never want to put off at night is the moonlight. But no, it has risen well above my vision and i am too lazy to walk to the window right now. Reminds me of the total lunar eclipse last night. Oh so beautiful..! The universe mesmerizes me with it's magical treats everytime something like this happens. I stood/sat at my window watching the beauty of it for THREE full hours with no clue of time, which left me wondering later whether that qualifies me as a Moon-watcher or a Freak!

     
        The mirror on my right reflects me glowing in the dark this moment which has brought a crazy thought in my head. I reckon with a Halo and a pair of Wings i would look like an Angel. A pretty one at that. ;-) LOL.... U never know... cos... Miracles happen!

True goodbyes are the ones never said or explained.

       It's a Sunday night and it's a strange feeling. I have a few butterflies in my stomach. No, not because i am nervous, and not because i am leaving... But because others are. Everywhere i see, there are bags being wheeled away... A few Hugs and kisses here, and a few more there... n tears everywhere... Everyday is a new Goodbye, with no guarantees of another Hello..! It's like Joey (from FRIENDS) says to Chandler - "It's like the end of an Era!" How i wish my friends moved just 'across' too! But life's no show cast on the TV, where everything turns out great. Reality kills when it dawns on me that this MIGHT be it...! I hate Goodbyes...

     
       True goodbyes are the ones never said or explained...? I think it's true... A silent smile is the best goodbye. The silence says it all. Outta this chaos, i observed one thing, inspite of feeling so shitty, i am not crying. Tears and me have a very strong bond... OH so very strong if you have to ask... We've got an awesome history together. But since my 'I wanna be strong' motto has taken over my life, my tears seem to have taken a backseat. Am i becoming less emotional? I dont think so. I still FEEL very deeply in every situation. But i guess having emotions doesn't make you weak, Tears do!
  

  

"Why can't we get all the people together in the world that we really like and then just stay together? I guess that wouldn't work. Someone would leave. Someone always leaves. Then we would have to say good-bye. I hate good-byes. I know what I need. I need more hellos!"

If life was one long text message, i would never wanna use the sad smiley again.... EVER!

      Away from all the screaming madness around and inside me, i seem to have found a quiet little sensible place in my heart. It somehow seems to be taking over me. Looking back to myself, is like looking into a tunnel, with light at the end. Yeah.. There was light... and then there was darkness, then there was pitch darkness, but i guess i found my way out of the tunnel again. Now i find light flooding me out. That's good. Darkness is comfortable, but i dont wanna go back in there.
      How people tend to live in their comfort zone. Looking back, its scary sometimes. When you get a little too comfortable with yourself for too long, i think it's time for a reality check! Those times when you just wanna be. You want to be left alone. You just wanna do nothing. You whine and cry and brood over literally everything around you. Everything in your life seems to go wrong. You want to laze yourself all day long, two days, a week, and more. Then you know you are in trouble..! 
      I ve crawled out of my comfort zone to glide into a new arena. I dont wanna settle yet. Life's just beginning. There is so much i wanted to do as a lil one. Let's take five minutes outta our days and think- What did we think our life would be like now when we were little? I for one had a lotto things i thought i would have done by now. And now introspecting, i find myself not even close.When things dont work out for a long time, then you know something's really wrong, and something needs to be done. It's like a personality emergency!
      We have so many plans for our future all the time that we have no time to live in the present. We are sooooo busy planning our future, we have no time to carry out the plans already chalked out in the past! When we cant get ourselves up and running to yday's dreams, what is the guarranty that today's dream is gonna come true tomorrow or in the near future?!

     
         It can surely come true, but that can happen only when we begin, when we 'DO'...! Passion, hard work... is a must for every little thing. It's so refreshing to feel sunny. To feel good all the time. To not let sadness hover over you. To not be addicted to your thoughts, your dreams to an extent that you tend to float forever. To be able to choose the thoughts you want to let into your mind and think and send the other ones right out...! I like this new game. Being Strong is my new motto. After all we become what we think we are. If i think i am vulnerable... oh yes i am! If i think i am strong, Oh hell yeah, I am! ;)
       If life was one long text message, i would never wanna use the sad smiley again.... EVER! He is happy who thinks he is...! Ting! :D
       Miracles happen.... Happened to me..... N still happening....!!!!! :)