Soul sister - My secrets lie within her, not me.

She sat, telling stories about me and herself to her friends. My lil sister. My soul sister. She went gaga with all the tales that have been told, and retold. Her face was excited, animated, happy. I love it when she does that. I love it when we tell our stories. I love it when she stops and i jump in to continue the story. It's like our unsaid understanding. We never learnt story telling. But these are stories that we will always tell with the same zeal, the same fondness! Touchwood. 

We are getting older, but the stories never do. We like to remember 'em each and every time we meet. People meet up over a cup of coffee and biscuits. But when we get together, reminiscence and laughter are laid on the table, with a dish full of sweet memories.

We share nothing in common.. absolutely nothing. It amazes us how two people who are vice versa can have the closest strongest bond ever. But that always strengthened our belief that ours is a perfect example of the 'Opposites Attract' law. That also makes us the best pair. We totally understand each other, know every likes, dislikes. We know the other's story of life by heart. The other's story is like a part and parcel of our own life.

How we decide what to buy for the other? If i like it, i don't buy it for her, cos she won't like it... and if i don't, then she will! LOL.. :D But we know each others choices more than we know our own. We have a set of similar but not same clothes which we lovvvve to wear together and click pictures. We maintain an album of our crazy moments and get super excited when there's scope for new entries!

The love we have for each other is something which i don't think even real sisters share. The frankness, the honesty, the sincerity, the worship.. it all comes naturally to us. We just know exactly what to tell the other at the right time, the right place. The 'Late night talk' is our most favorite activity. We talk and talk till we drop. Family members waking at night to have a glass of water always know where to find the whispers and giggles! Blabbering on till one of us falls asleep is a tradition. The only question to ask is who falls asleep first!

She's my little guardian angel, who is also my kid sister, my best friend, my confidant, the fashion guru, the counselor. She's an all in one bundle of pure joy and happiness, which God rolled into my life. The best of all, she's my best Secret-Keeper! We share our secrets, and when we do... we know we'll take it to the grave.

In her reality, my dreams play,

Her silly little smile makes my day.

For all my locks, she carries the master-key,
My secrets lie within her, not me.

Dad, the only way i can be a Princess is if you are a King!

It was magnificent, the bed-room i was in. The huge bed, the jewel studded clothes, the tiara, the accessories! I was in a daze. The grandeur of this room stunned me. It would be an understatement if i said i was amazed by the royalty of the whole palace, the Mysore Palace. I was nine years old when i first visited this place. It was one of the places in the itinerary for the South-Indian tour we had gotten ourselves into with one of the reputed Travels in town. It saved us the trouble of researching into the places we should visit. They took care of it all. All we had to do was enjoy while they made sure we had a great time.

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With all this comfort lined up for me, my father was happy to have provided his little daughter with some merriment, some fun, some frolic. He looked at me admiring the princess' room and it reminded him of the 'Soja Rajkumari' lullaby he sung to me as a baby. But his peace was short-lived when his girl took one more look at the magnanimous chamber, turned back to him furiously and started crying!!!!!

Yes.. i started crying. Not tears of joy. Those were furious tears. When asked the reason,i snapped back at him, "Why aren't you a King? If you were, i would be living here!" It was followed by a few moments of silence which was broken by a guffaw by dad. As i stared back puzzled, i realized there were more people laughing who had probably overheard our conversation. I was maddened! I hated it when elders never took youngsters seriously. (I don't blame them now! :P)

I continued, "I'm not kidding. The only way i can be a Princess is if you are a King. Now i can never be a Princess in my life!" Seeing more tears on the way, finally daddy dear stopped laughing and told me i'll always be his lil princess. He also told me i could always marry a king and be his queen. But i didn't want to be a queen now, did i? I wanted to be a PRINCESS, plain and simple! Not a Queen, a Princess! Nothing would calm me down. I stopped crying later with some persuasion. But that day stuck with me for a long time. I was obsessed with the whole concept of being a Princess.

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As a kid, it was connected to having all the comforts. The best clothes, maids, jewellery, tiara, palace etc. I read more and more about princess stories. Their delicate nature, their beauty, their grace. When i watched The Princess Diaries, i sooo wished some day someone would tell me i'm a princess too! But that day never came and i knew it would never come. I found my own way of treating myself as one. I called myself 'Princess Pranita' for a loooong time. Even my Orkut profile carried that as my profile name! LOL.

As i grew, the obsession grew. But along with the obsession, realization dawned too! With every passing year, i predicted Princess in a different way, til i reached my present decipherer of being one. For a long time, i've lived my life being a damsel in distress waiting for Prince Charming to save me. I've wanted to be the sleeping beauty, waiting for my prince to kiss my hand and save me! All those fairytale princess stories are very beautiful to read. But i recently realized that's not how a princess is supposed to be in today's times.

This is the generation, where we fight for equality of men and women. So why should i wait for a prince or anyone else for that matter to come and save me. Being a princess is about having the power. With great power, comes great responsibility. I'm not a princess. I'm not born with a golden spoon either. Being a princess wasn't something i could help, but acquiring the power, being responsible and acting the way a princess should, that i can help myself with.

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I can always live my Princess dream. Being one is not about being delicate, it's about being strong. It's not about depending on others, it's about being independent. Isn't about having maids work for you, it's about working for the people. Not about making your materialistic life comfortable, it's making this world a happy place to live in for all. It's not wanting people to love you, it's about caring for others selflessly. Being a princess is not about wearing a tiara and showing off, but keeping your head high with dignity and modesty. It isn't about being the damsel in distress, it's about being happy and bringing happiness to others. It isn't about being beautiful from the outside, but from within.

With this realization came peace. I finally am close to realizing my childhood dream. The meaning, the image has changed, but that lil girl from the Mysore Palace still remains with me, reminding me to pursue my dream.. to never give up!

Every single day well spent sums up to a life fully lived.

A look into my 'reel' life is all that takes to remind me the 'Real' moments of my life. This is what i realized as i looked into the old photo albums. I think they are the most precious treasures every family owns. I'm always for clicking away on special occasions or memorable moments. Helps you relive those moments even after what seems like an eternity. Ahhh! Those were some days. Waking up to the rising sun and the chirping birds, to the sound of dad showering in the bath humming his old set of hindi songs and to the frantic cries of mom trying to wake me from my slumber party. I think the most Real experiences fall in the following category...

• Our childhood.
• Our children's childhood! 
• Nature

Some things just don't change from generation to generation, do they? Every new generation evolves, but there is one thing that always bonds all generations together. Trips to beaches, parks, gardens, rivers, waterfalls, hill-stations, valley views etc. It's amazing how nature works in binding families together.

Childhood is undoubtedly the best part of my life by far. It was a whole different domain i lived in back then. No worries of the 'big-bad-world' what-so-ever. The worries were limited to the 'big-bad-wolf' who followed lil red riding hood in the woods! It was like being one with the nature, exposing it's parade of tricks and treats. What interested me back then was not the gossip of a bunch of silly people, nor did 'what will people think about me' bothered. The only thing that mattered was doing the things that made me happy, and doing it with perfection. Squeezing every little fun it had to offer. That was one amazing life as kids. I remember wanting to be a BIG GIRL soon back then. Seriously, what was i thinking?! I have no clue. I guess the grass will always remain greener on the other side, won't it? 

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Anyway, it was just another eventful day seventeen years back. I had hit the sack after kissing mom and dad goodnight. The moment my head hit the pillow, i was sound asleep, and i dreamed of beautiful happy things as usual. It felt like i had slept forever when some noise woke me up. No it wasn't my mother, because it was a Sunday - the only day of the week when i wasn't woken up by a frenzied mother! The sound was very melodious and pleasing. I did not wish to open my eyes. I knew of lullabies that put kids to sleep. But i never knew there was music to wake kids too. Reluctantly i opened my eyes slowly, making sure it wasn't a part of my sweet dream. No, it wasn't! So then what was it? Was it a new way adopted by mommy dear to wake me? If it was, then i didn't really mind this one. For the first time, getting out of bed did not feel so bad.

With my ears alert to the source of the sound, i tiptoed towards the window which opened into our balcony. The sound seemed to come from over there. Pulling the bright red stool to the window, i stepped on it, craning my neck to look out of the window. I looked out only to find the neatly arranged flower pots with the dew set in on the leaves. I was mesmerized by the colorful sight, and wondered why it never fascinated me before. Maybe because i never visited the balcony anymore after dad got it grilled, scared that i'll fall down from the first floor, after my curious attempt to look down from above which had almost unbalanced me. I would have gone crashing down, if not for the timely save by dad, followed by a long lecture of why it was wrong. At that point, the only thing that mattered was looking down, not how dangerous that was! 

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Well.. that almost distracted me from the melody, but soon i was back on my mission to find the source of the sweetness in my ears. And then within a blink of my eye, something fluttered past me. I screamed in fright and remained frozen until dad came running with a broomstick in his hand. He probably expected another encounter with a cockroach and my tantrums. But this time it was different. I was looking at something with such curiosity and amazement, dad decided to go and look into it. What he saw next amazed him too! It was a bird nest with three eggs and a bird in it. It was right at the corner of the grill, and somehow covered up. It probably wouldn't have been visible at first sight, if not for the baby-sharp-will i had to find the source.

Dad warned me not to touch it, or the bird would never come back to the nest again because it would sense danger even if we didn't intend any harm. I sooo wished to transfer the nest into my shoe box and make it comfortable for the little ones when they hatched. But for a change i paid heed to what dad had to say and obeyed him this time! We stared at it for some more time together and thinking of that time now, makes me realize how real it felt. A 100% REAL EXPERIENCE... a moment to be treasured for eternity. 

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The minute i read about 'The Kissan 100% Real Blogger Contest', the first thing that flashed me was this. As a little child, it was a moment of appreciation of life and it's beauty, a moment of togetherness... and now as a grown up having experienced some lows and highs life has to offer, it's a moment i look back on, to remind myself that when the going gets tough, the tough get going. It reminds me life is beautiful, magical and a very valuable possession. It is a constant reminder that every single day well spent sums up to a life fully lived. 

Cheers to life, it's miracles, and everything it has in store for us.

P.S. This is a submission to The Kissan 100% Real Blogger Contest.

Sleepless in Manipal - A tale of friends, heart breaks and unsatisfied appetites.

I just guest posted at manipalblog.com.... Were you an early bird once upon a time. Have you turned into a nocturnal creature either by force or choice? Have your eyes chosen to be awake when all you wanted was a few winks of sleep? Is insomnia your new disease? Have you tossed and turned in your bed thinking about your broken heart? Have you gossiped your nights off or had fun night-outs? Have you faced the examination time when all the traces of sleeplessness disappear? The only time, when the loudest of the noises, and the brightest of the lights don’t matter anymore. All you see is an inviting bed and the tempting sheets. And before you know, your head hits the pillow and you sleep like a log!



 Check the post out for more on - Sleepless in Manipal....!

Cheers :)

Wow.. Now i'm versatile too..!?

This has been the most super fun week in my history of blogging. First the Liebster, and then the tag, and now here i am gracefully accepting 'The Versatile Blogger' award from one of my coolest blogger-friend, Jen. She is such a cheerful, super-cute, fun blogger. And the best part, we seem to be getting the same awards at the same time from different people. Sweet eh!? Thanks muchy much Jen.
(After a while i received the same award from Rupertt Wind. Reason for a double celebration! )

Ok, the rules for accepting this award are -

1. Nominate 15 fellow bloggers.
2. Inform the blogger about the nomination.
3. Share 7 random things about yourself.
4. Thank the blogger who nominated you.
5. Add the Versatile Blogger picture to your blog post.

Well, you wanna know seven random things about me??? Why not eleven??? :P You can visit this to know about me... Why repeat, when i can just link.. ;-)

So now all i'm left with is nominating 15 fellow bloggers... Here goes -

1.  Indira Mohan
2. Haritha
3. Poonam Borkar
4. Shivika Jagwani
5. Rajkumar
6. Shashi
7. Sujatha Sathya
8. Maiteyee
9. Rajagopalan Ratnaraj
10. Saru Singhal
11. Anjali Garg
12. Nona
13. Mengu Metha
14. Amogha
15. Jaibee Joseph

Phew... Hope you guys feel the same joy as me... Spread cheer! :)

Tag-a-thon... i got tagged! :D

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Wow.. i didn't know about this tagging spree, but it caught me offguard this morning when i signed in, to find myself tagged by one of my closest fellow bloggers, Radhika Vunnam aka Rads, who has a super-interesting blog Rads Blog-a-Zine. She reminds me a lot of myself, and inspires me everytime i read her unique energetic posts. Well, the rules of this game are -

The Rules:

Rule#1: Put the rules on your blog.
Rule#2: Every person tagged should tell 11 things about themselves, answer the 11 questions asked by the one that tagged you, tag 11 other people and ask them 11 different questions.
Rule#3: Let the people whom you tagged know you've done so.
Rule#4: Don't tag anyone who's been tagged before.
Rule#5: Really do tag 11 others, don't go all ''if you want to take this tag''.

With rule#1 dealt with, here i go telling/bragging 11 things about me...

* I'm a sucker when it comes to dreaming/daydreaming and believing in fantasies/fairytales.
* I lovvvv food, but get bored of even my favorite item after i've eaten 3-4 bites/morsels. If given a chance, i would love to order a wide variety of dishes and have a little bit of each (and you can pay the bill ;-) )
* I'm a living example of a Piscean lady and have this unique intuition of finding other pisceans without knowing their birthday and usually i'm not wrong!
* I love my green eyes and i think they're the best physical feature i own.
* I'm a total believer of the LOA and the SECRET 'coz i ve seen it in action and i know i still will.
* I'm a soon-to-be IT engineer and i dream of doing something related to words/art. I'm yet to figure that out.(Any suggestions would be most welcome!) I like anything that deals with ART and COLOURS. I paint, sketch, craft, write poems and love experimenting in new ARTy stuff.
* I adore music, all kinds depending on my mood. But my favorites are the slow, peaceful, melodious ones with good meaning. There are some songs which i love 'coz of their lyrics and the others 'coz of the music.
* I like taking up challenges, both serious and fun ones and i don't rest before it's taken care of. I don't prefer losing.
* I have to find art or words in anything in order to enjoy it... I have recently been occupied by cooking, photography and blogging.
* It has always been my dream to be a Princess, though the meaning of the word has changed gradually as i grew up.
* M a total lover of citric fruits, favorites being Green grapes, any grapes and oranges! (Sour grapes are ok with me too!)

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The 11 question by Rads...

1) What do you like about my blog, coz I know you follow it?
-> I love the fact that you are so enthusiastic to explore new different things and also share it so that it can benefit the others too. I absolutely adore the photos you upload. There's a lot of positivity radiating from your blog. A happy cheerful feeling!

2) What was the last romantic-comedy you saw?
-> Beauty and the Briefcase starring Hilary Duff... Cheesy movie, but loved the thought it ended with.

3) Do you dig photography, or abstract art, or both? Why?
-> I'm totally into photography and abstract art... Mainly 'cos there are no definite rules involved in these. It'd more of something pleasing your heart and you capturing it in reel or paint!

4) Do you believe in magic?
-> I totally believe in magic. The whole idea of my blog kinda revolves around this. I somehow get the magical feeling in everything i love and i'm associated with. Magic is not a bunch of tricks, but a beautiful feeling you cannot express in any form. It's just felt!

5) Do you think Lady GaGa is crazy?
-> I think she's super crazy... having said that lemme tell you i totally admire crazy people. These are the people who make a difference and bring out the change from the stereotypical life that people lead following the herd.

6) What's your favorite electronic gadget?
-> I do not own too many funky gadgets, though i would lovvv to.. and i'm not a tech-savvy person either. So.. i'll have to pass by saying my laptop and my phone are my best gadgets as of now.

7) Do you think Apple products are overrated or the most perfect examples of creative engineering ever?
-> These techy questions are reminding me to get more knowledge... gee! I'm an IT engineer who hasn't wandered out of her books! All i can say is i find the Apple products very sophisticated!

8) Who's your favorite author?
-> My favorite author would be Nicholas Sparks. He has a dash of magic in all his works. 

9) Your favorite blog/website, other than mine ofcourse :P
-> LOL.. well.. it would be.. Zebra Talk by Zeba Talkhani. Her blog inspired me to blog when i had stopped for a while.

10) Pastries or Cupcakes? Why?
-> Very difficult question. I'm not really choosy in this one. As i mentioned above, i get bored with an item once i ve had one or two bites. I would love to have a bite each from a pastry and a cupcake! ;-)

11) What are you listening to or have on your media player right now?
-> I'm listening to ALL MY DAYS by Alexi Murdoch right now on a loop!

Now, the 11 people i would want to tag are...

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Bulbul
Zeba 
Divya
Serendipity
Jen
Subhorup
Vijay Shenoy 
Seema
Akriti
Saru 
Nona

(M going to bend the rules a little and tag one more person who was sooo interested in playing this game, that i couldn't help! So here goes... Saikat)


Alrightttttt! That's done! Phew! Now i have to frame my 11 questions... Ahem.. Here goes..

1. Which style would be your dream wedding? (If you're married, how would you like your wedding to be, if you got a chance to do it all over again!)

2. What is it about chocolates that drives people so crazy?(I don't like em!)

3. Do you think the world is really going to end this December?

4. What would be the one last thing you want to do if 2012 is indeed the dooms year?

5. What is one thing you like about my blog and two things that you don't?

6. What aspect of life do you think is unfair?

7. Which is the most romantic movie according to you?

8. What is your dream that you see yourself living someday?

9. What does your name mean? Given a chance would you change it? If yes, what would you change it to?

10. Do you believe that true love happens only one time?

11. Which of the above ten questions do you think is stupid and why?

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I did not think this post would take me sooooo long when i started!!! M not done yet... there's still informing to do! Wish me luck on that... :-/ Toodles!

My first Liebster Blog Award :)

Wow... I can't believe it... I logged in just now to find a comment which said i have a surprise from a fellow blogger! I went to her blog and found out she just awarded me with the Leibster Blog Award!!!!! W.O.W!

 
I never thought i 'll be so lucky to get it so soon. I really thank Divya for considering me worthy enough for this. I want her to know this means a lot. It's every blogger's dream to be recognized and loved by their fellow bloggers. And my dream just came true. :) Divya is a wonderful blogger whose thoughts i finely resonate with. She has this intricate way of gluing up words and creating some of the beautiful, thought-provoking, inspiring, magical posts. I wish her the best in everything she undertakes.

Well, there are 3 rules to be followed on accepting this award -

• Link back to the person who gave you the award.
• Pick 5 people deserving of the award and notify them on their blogs.
• Post the award on your blog and spread the love.

With the first rule already fulfilled, let me move on to choosing the five blogs i find lovable -

• Musings by Jyothi Hegde.
• Philosopher's Stone by Jaideep Rao.
• Zebra Talk by Zeba Talkhani.
• Rads Blog-a-Zine by Radhika Vunnam.
• The Butterfly Effect by Jen.

As i learnt from Divya's blog, 'Liebster' in German supposedly means 'Beloved'. And these are one of the many blogs i really love. So here i go, spreading the joy i received to my fellow bloggers! Experience the delightfulness, rejoice and make it viral... Cheers :D

In hindsight from the beyond.

She looked beautiful as he saw her sleeping. The sun had risen just enough to cast a breath-taking glow on her pale face. She looked perfect, in her satin blue nightgown. As the wind gently caressed her golden hair. She moved just a little and snuggled inside her white cover. It was cold, and the window was open. He left her side to go shut it only to realize that the stopper had been broken for quite some time now. He remembered her bickering to him about it almost every evening when he came back home, for a while and then she stopped. He never thought of the chill it gave her since he had been spending most of his nights in the study or fell asleep on the couch as he flipped through his files.

He came back to her side, and wished he could cuddle her up and provide some warmth. He wanted to but he couldn't. No, not because she would mind, not because his ego came in the way, but because he was dead! Not just dead from the inside. But he was really DEAD! He had been in a car accident on his way back home on that fateful night more than a month back. He had just left the office late in the night and as he got into his car, he recalled he was supposed to call a client by midnight and let him know that the deal was on. He had then gotten into the front seat and sped off with one hand on the steering wheel and one on his phone.

If she had been in there with him, she would have not let him drive without his seat belt on. She always fussed about him talking on the phone as he speeded. How much that pissed him off! It always ended up in petty arguments. But she wasn't with him that day, and he did what pleased him. As he spoke into the phone and drove along the highway, he had missed a traffic signal only to be hit by a speeding bus from the right which sent him colliding into another car and things had gotten deadly ugly. And the last thing he remembered was an unbearable pain surging through his head before everything went blank. Later when the ambulance came, he was declared dead on the spot!

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He had seen himself being carried away. The medics trying their best to bring him back to life. But it was too late. As he looked on to his lifeless cold body on the hospital bed, he had the sudden urge to look back. There was no one. But within a split second, the door was pushed wide open and what he saw was a sight more pitiful than his own. It was her! His wife.. his beautiful wife. He smiled at her, but she did not smile back as she rushed through him to throw herself on his lifeless body.

 She wailed, she howled, she screamed as tears welled out non-stop from her red eyes. He knew she must have been crying all the way from home. He wondered who had informed her about his death. He did not wish to imagine how hard it might have been for her to receive the unfortunate news. He thought back to the times he did not pay heed to her words, the times she fought him for his own good, for his own safety. He thought of her deep concern for him, the times he stood her up for movies, for restaurants, for events. The times he did not pick her up while she waited.

Suddenly as he kept looking at her, he found all the blood rush off her face. He realized she was looking into his mobile phone. He went to stand behind her and tried to see what was bothering her. He read the message from the UNREAD folder she must have sent him earlier today which he had not bothered to read. It read- "Come home soon honey. Good news!" He wondered what the good news was, and as he looked at her again, he just knew it!!! For she had one hand on her belly as she lay her head over his body and cried harder.

His thoughts went back to the day when he came back home a little early, in time for dinner during which she had shared with him her deep wish to have a baby, that she felt lonely and did not feel his presence anymore. She had hoped having a baby would be a good idea, given that they were doing very good financially and the fact that she was a housewife. He had agreed for once. How he wished he was alive now! He wanted to hug her and tell her that he loved her and the little life within her. He wanted to cry too, but he couldn't because he was dead.

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 He snapped out of his daze as she stirred in her sleep. He had spent every passing moment with her from the time she had left the crematorium. He had seen her laugh thinking about their time together, he had seen her cry thinking of the life they could have had had he driven carefully. Now as he stared at her lovely white face, he found something missing. It did not take time for him to figure that out. Her smile! It was missing. It had been missing from a long time now. The only time she smiled now was in her sleep when she dreamt about him. He knew she preferred sleeping longer these days because that was her only way of being with him.

He knew that he had lost his chance of being with her, of loving her as she deserved. He knew she had to move on.. for her happiness, for their baby!  He bent over her one last time, and kissed her belly as he left forever. Just before he left, he turned back. And.. she smiled.

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She loved like she should, but lived like she shouldn't.

As she lay down on her bed after an exhausting day, she closed her tired eyes. They burned as she shut them. But along with the burn was relief. She was back after a long day at the plaza. Throwing her belongings on the already messy chair, she changed into her PJs within a few minutes. She headed straight to the bath to splash some cold water on her pale face. Ahh! That was very welcoming. She tiptoed to the soft mat just outside the bath which read 'YOU'RE THE BEST', and let it soak with all the excess water from her not-so-happy feet. She then carefully stepped out of the mat making sure not to slip on the smooth white floor. As she took yet another step, she looked back at the mat and snapped, "Yeah Right!"

Reaching for the switchboard, she turned off all the lights, only after parting the curtains aside. Her day was getting darker. She didn't like it. It reminded her of something or someone. She shook off the thoughts as she reached for the topmost shelf where she kept her candles. She had never used them before. It was a parting gift from her friend. Thinking of her brought a smile to her face. The times they shared gossiping and giggling into the night! She longed for a night like that. She could gratefully use one of those like.. right now! Sigh. Switching off the noisy fan, she lit one of the candles and placed it on her table. The candle cast an eerie feel to the room. But she didn't care. There was much to ponder on than be scared by the shadow play on the wall, thanks to the still slowly rotating blades of the fan. She slumped into her bed and closed her eyes. 

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And there she was, lying down without moving a hair. Her eyes were thankful to rest after a long day, but not her mind. She prayed for some quiet, some silence, some peace! Mind you, everything around her was noise-free. But within her, there was chaos.. of the highest order. She literally SSSHHHH'd her thoughts with a helpless hope that it would work. But no, it didn't. The mess was getting messier by the second. The idle mind wasn't helping. She needed a good, dreamless sleep. No music could calm her now. The only music able to calm her burning nerves was a voice which no longer resonated with her existence. 

Her thoughts carried her back into the day when she sat at the reception of the huge gift house she worked at, wearing a Red T-shirt which read, 'MAY I HELP YOU?' Her job was to smile at every customer who entered and every customer who exited. And sometimes manage the little kids who didn't let their parents shop. Well.. she didn't mind it as long as it paid her bills. But there she was today, plastered with a fake smile on her face. It was the Valentine's the next day, and it was her favorite day of the year. But not this time. For the first time, she hated her job. She did not like helping every other soul who entered wanting to buy the best romantic gift for their valentine. She hated listening to them describe their love life. At the end of the day, she had sulked and snapped at people enough to get herself fired. 

She marched out of the plaza, trying to stop her tears that were now spilling out of her eyes which had now turned red. It was matching both her face, as well as her T-shirt. She rushed to the nearest washroom, and grabbed some tissues out of her bag. She looked like a mess. The sight of her in the mirror tortured her eyes. She hated RED today.. everything about it. Her reflection read 'MAY I HELP YOU?' and she laughed at the irony. She tore down the hearts stuck on the corner of the mirror inviting people to join the Valentine's Day party. It read, 'LOVE IS IN THE AIR'. Then why was she not feeling it. She stormed out of the building and took the next bus back home.

She snapped out of her thoughts as her cell phone beeped. The light from it blinded her eyes in the darkness. She hoped against hope that a familiar name flashes on the screen. She squinted into it finding yet another Valentine's day offer advertisement. She silenced her mobile, frustrated and threw it under the bed. She knew she would be in bed all day tomorrow curled up in the sheets. She didn't want to sleep yet, cos she knew she would dream of him. But she didn't want to stay awake either, cos she knew she would think of him. She cried loudly into her pillow, but all that could be heard was a muffled holler.

Consoling herself, she walked to her window trying to find solace in the silent night. She half wished there was atleast a single star shining for her in the sky. But alas! Even the stars had forsaken her tonight. She stared out into the nothingness, and then her ears caught some music probably blaring from another window far away. And just when she was about to give up guessing the song, it got louder.

For once I'm at peace with myself.. I've been burdened with blame, trapped in the past for too long.. I'm movin' on!!!

  

I'm Moving on by Rascal Flats. It was like someone was playing this song just for her. Whoever was playing this song on the eve of Valentine's had to be going through the same as her she thought. And suddenly she did not feel alone anymore. Suddenly she didn't feel anything. She searched her mind, but there was nothing. There was peace. There was silence. There was melody. 

At last I can see life has been patiently waiting for me.. And I know there's no guarantees, but I'm not alone.. There comes a time in everyone's life.. When all you can see are the years passing by.. And I have made up my mind that those days are gone.

Courtesy

As she continued to stare out into the darkness, a smile crept on her face and her eyes grew wide. She had just witnessed a falling star. She closed her eyes, joined her hands, held em close to her heart. She wished, and when she was done, she was content. She wished for him. She wished that he celebrate his best Valentine's Day ever, even if it wasn't with her. Content with how the day ended, she slipped inside her blankets and fell asleep the minute her head touched the pillow... while far under her bed, at the strike of twelve her phone blinked violently with that familiar name she had wished to see earlier. But only this time, she wouldn't regret.

The day i was delivered a life i hadn't subscribed for...!

Most of us, have at one time or another subscribed for books, magazines, digests, newsletters etc. If not, then you must at least have subscribed for a newspaper or seen someone do it! How would you react if the paperboy dropped off a newspaper which isn't the one you subscribed for? Most would be furious because they begin their day with a hot cup of tea/coffee and a paper. That is the only relaxed part of most people's hectic life today. And if it's ruined by a paperboy's little fault, it seems to turn the whole house upside down. But isn't the reason for being upset actually baseless in a way?

Yes, agreed the newspaper you wanted was not the one got, but doesn't it contain almost the same news and content? A day of reading current affairs from a different paper shouldn't really be fussed about so much, should it? And yet there you stand, unhappy, restless, with a frown stuck on your face. All the frustrations piled up from previous issues are all taken out on a poor kid.

If this is the case with a small matter of a newspaper, then how do you think you would react if you were faced with a problem, only bigger! Say you subscribed for a year of Reader's Digest and you were being delivered Children's Digest every single month instead. Every month you complain to the authorities about the issue and you are apologised to, each time with an assurance that this act wouldn't be repeated. But comes the next month, and there lying on your second step early in the morning is yet another copy of Children's Digest, with some cartoons jeering right into your face! And BAM! Your morning, your day is messed up with again. You complain to God, you crib to your spouse as to why everything has to go wrong in your life. WHY YOU?!

Well.. What about the issues much bigger than this?! What about your LIFE.. Most people complain to God everyday for the life they've received. It wasn't the one they had subscribed for either, is it? How many people can say their life today is something they had dreamed of 5 years back? If you are going back your timeline, trying to think what your dreams were back at that point of time, then clearly you're not living your dream! Do you feel that the people actually living their dreams are just lucky 'cos they were delivered a life they asked for? Well.. you might have to rethink the 'lucky' quotient.

I do believe that everything happens for a reason. In context with the wrong newspaper, who knows there might have been a news item that you wouldn't have found in your daily copy, and maybe that was one of the stepping stones which could have helped you to reach your goal. What if your kids have been reading and benefiting from the Children's Digest copy, which you wouldn't have subscribed to otherwise. Maybe they loved you more after, being in an illusion that this was your way of surprising them! What if the life you're being delivered is nothing but a bunch of hidden opportunities waiting to be stumbled upon and you're blinded because of the cloud of your own displeasure!?

Making the best of the situation is the secret to realizing your dreams, i think. First you are sent a set of wrong subscriptions, then you are sent the right subscription with the wrong packing, followed by a set of right subscription but a wrong cover page, till your perseverance pays off and you finally get what you wished for, dreamed for. The REAL DEAL! And that day will once and for all blow away all the clouds that might have gathered. So don't stop 'cos you might be just one step away from finding that silver lining in the clouds!

I haven't received the life i subscribed for... not yet atleast. But i will do my bit, and keep looking for my silver lining and fight my way through the clouds till i find that opening to the time where it will finally be delivered! Tathastu.

I looked up to find my clouds move in their usual pace,

"Not again!" , i murmured under my breath,

He smiled knowingly at my jaded face,

"You know you'll wait, don't you? So don't fret!"

If only my malady wasn't so obvious, i wished,

For there was more pity than love when he kissed.

Don't judge me by my past... I don't live there anymore!

"You wished for a great life..
But what you created within is just gloom..
Why this melancholy, why this strife..
When it is also within YOU to bloom!"

How often do we have a complete change-over? No, i'm not talking about a make-over. That is something you can get by possessing a thick wad of cash. But as we know, the most valuable matters cannot be bought. They have to be earned. Just like your respect which has slipped away, or someone's trust that you have lost. What about the deeds you have done in the past... the selfish ones? It's not easy to realize your mistakes. Even more difficult to try and mend them. And sometimes next to impossible to actually change yourself, coming out of your comfort zone. It's a Herculian task coming clean, accepting your follies and embracing the consequences.

It's a crawling process. There is no guaranty that a changed person will be accepted any soon or chances are high for never. The changing action requires courage. Acceptance of the fact that the change to be brought in oneself might never be reciprocated is very difficult. But if that first hurdle is crossed, things get a little easier, for you are not scared, expecting good.. at the same time mentally prepared for the unexpected!

Whatever be the consequences, change for the good always brings peace. The inner joy of doing something right floods your life with unseen confidence and ability. Some days back i was having a heart-to-heart chat with my elder cousin and a few words of advice she gave me just ringed a bell...! It's still ringing in my ear, compelling me to pay heed. She said, "Don't hold your breath over anything ever!" It was so true. In an instance i came up with more to it. When you hold your breath over something/someone, and it/they doesn't/don't come true, then it will suffocate you and make your life hell, because you just won't LET GO!

Letting go is really really hard sometimes. The plethora of emotions entangle you, trapping you in its web of pain, misery and sadness. Then even if you try letting go of your breath, the emotions crawl all over you forcing you into a state of hopelessness. Loneliness is not too far... it comes clinging to you and you shelter it. It befriends you, you rely on it. And soon you will not know when it overstayed it's welcome!

And the story after? Well... the weak-hearted collapse, give up, brood, whine and cry over the pathetic turns of their life. But if you can find even a little pinch of strength and courage in you. You'll set the loneliness packing their bags, or better, you'll move out and move on! You'll learn to hope, never to lose it again. You'll learn to tone down your emotions, and not be overwhelmed. You'll let go of the breath you've held forever, and take in a fresh current of air within you, flooding your senses with the gift of peace, relief and tranquility.

If you look at any side of a closed room with a fresh outlook, you'll discover the unseen, hidden, windows of opportunity, waiting to be found by you. I like to believe that God created lots of windows for every person. But he kept it hidden. so only the people willing to work hard and be brave would find it. A change, a discovery like this can turn anyone's life. If the people we love and care observe and appreciate it, it's the best gift you would ever receive. And if they don't.. well, with a little hope and a lot of faith, who knows.. Miracles might happen!

Again...

  "Don't judge me by my past, i don't live there anymore."

And then I blinked my eyes once, only once.

Yesterday was a lazy day for me. I woke up, not early enough to go on a jog. So I went to my window as usual, following my daily ritual of looking far out of the window the first thing every morning. The beauty of the valley has never stopped mesmerizing me. I'm accompanied by birds which sit outside my window often, only to flutter away as I set my curtains aside to return after a while. I like to think that they feel safe and happy around me. I like to think that they fly away to visit the people I love, to spread my joy, my peace, my morning sunshine to them. I like to wait for them again the next morning, to receive the love, the smiles, and the jar of hearts they send back for me.

Anyway, I'm wishing that the birds choose my window for their nest this time. I think I should keep my shoe-box outside as an invitation, probably with some hay. Hmmm... So as I stared out of my window at the clear dawn and the rising sun, I regretted not having woken up earlier. I promised myself to make sure that I rise before the sun more often. Unwillingly, I left the window to get back to my daily chores after pulling the curtains down again, for the sun here can be really harsh and I'm absolutely not a sunny person. I'm more of a cloud-lover! Well... A hot bath, a little meditation, and I was as fresh as a fully bloomed flower with just a single dew drop on it's outermost petal.

I went over to my study table, which lies just next to the window, and occupied my chair, all set to log in to the virtual world. I pulled aside the curtains again, only to be completely dumbfounded. I couldn't see a thing outside. Absolute zilch visibility. I rubbed my eyes and looked out again, pushed my chair back, and stood a little too fast, only to startle my room-mate with her curtains closed! I slid aside the netted window and craned my neck out. Fog everywhere! I was in pure daze at the sight of the everlasting haze. Baffled by the fact that the sun was high above and it was almost 9 in the morning. Not the time you expect to see fog, in a place where winters feel like mild summer!

I exclaimed, almost cried out loud to my puzzled roomie to look out of the window. She pulled aside her curtains too, and I found myself a little pleased when she finally shared my flummox and amazement. We both watched this for a little more while, stupefied at the view outside. I even tried smelling the air, to make sure our building was not on fire, and the fog we saw was not really smoke! That would be a real foolish thing to do, admiring the beauty of a disaster... LOL! You can't blame me for this action. Come on, the same valley which was all clear a while back, was now filled with fog at the oddest of the times.

With the fact settling in that this strange unexpected thing has really happened, I ran back to get my camera to capture this moment, which was definitely for keeps in my Manipal Journal. The serenity of this moment is something I can't really describe. It reminded me of some beautiful times from the past. I will never stop being amazed as to how thought connections work, sliding you through the journey of time.

For a few moments, I was in a bus filled with people fast asleep, woken up by something very early in the morning to look out of the window, and find a sight to behold. At that moment, I remember looking back and blinking my eyes once, just once... to capture the togetherness and the familiarity. I remember a tear trickling out of the corner of my left eye followed by a smile. A relieved smile, an everlasting smile. For I knew then that I would always remember the way I felt at that moment.

Soon after, I snapped out of my reverie, only to find the trail of a single tear on my left cheek. Deja Vu! I think some memories will always come back, some feelings will never be replaced, some regrets will always last a lifetime, some chances will never be given, some words will never be heard, some promises will always be kept, and some dreams will always be dreamed. But, miracles will still always happen. Amen.

The tale of my 'Not-so-Happy' eyes...

Well, i was going through the posts by my fellow Bloggers and came across one, which brought back my memories from eighth grade. Memories from the time when i thought having glasses was KEWL! (What was i thinking?!) Back in time as a little kid, i had this undying fascination for fake, gaudy, plastic shades sold at the 'Mela's(fairs)...I remember buying an ORANGE one, n i wore it all the effing time, pretending to be a grown up, cos then i thought only grown ups get to wear glasses and found it really cool. Since then, i ve always wanted to have a real pair of glasses.

Courtesy

And then a few years later, one of my cousin sisters i admired a lot, ended up with a low power spectacles which she was to wear only when she read books. And i was so jealous... i wanted one too! How rad would it be going to school with a cute little box in my bag, occupy my seat, and as the teacher instructs the kids to read from the book, i would take out the little box, open it up, and wear my new glasses, and look older and wiser. I would be surrounded by a silly bunch of kids! (Again, what was i thinking?! ) LOL

But alas, i wasn't lucky(ahem!) enough to have 'em. So i decided to 'move-on-with-my-life' hoping that maybe some day i would get lucky. Years passed on, and finally when i reached eighth grade, i observed that the notes written on the blackboard began to look a little shaken to me. First i blamed it on the shabby handwriting of the teacher, but then one day the teacher asked me to write stuff up there for others to take down. And once i was done, i was back to my seat, sulking over the fact that i'll have to write it all over again in my notebook.

As i looked up, i found the writing blurry again.. and i knew for a fact that my handwriting was sharp. I never wrote shabbily. And then i could feel that shining hope rising in my guts... is my vision finally compromised??? FINALLY!!!? It was a yippy moment. I went back home and told dad about my need for an eye check up. He got a little worried, also he did not understand the reason for my excitement. He took me anyway, to the best experienced optometrist in town.

The Doc ran a few tests. I was told to read through the board in the distance with random letters in different sizes. With every line of letters i read perfectly, i found my heart sinking! I was wishing otherwise. Finally he asked us to wait outside. As i waited with bated breath, there were thousands of thoughts winding in the sky of my mind! Would he prescribe a pair of glasses to me, or would he just ask me to tell my teacher to shift me a little to the front, so that i could see the board without straining my eyes. Would he say there was no need for glasses, or would he ask my parents to cut down on my tv, computer time! So many 'what-if's whizzed around my mind till we were called in again.

I was ready, all excited... and then the golden words were uttered by the Doc. "You've got a power of -0.5 for both the eyes. You'll have to wear spectacles when you read from the blackboard or while watching TV." My happiness knew no bounds which was evident from the puzzled look on the Doc's face on my reaction. LOL. We paid the doctor his fees, and i was all set to choose a frame for my first pair of glasses. They did not have a great collection and in my exhilaration, i did not want to visit a better optic centre. There was this pitch black oval shaped frame. We ended up paying for the same, and were asked to collect it the next day at the same time.

From the moment, i left the shop, time crawled by. I couldn't wait till it was time, and we rushed to the optic centre to find my glasses ready. I wore it, and whowwww! There was power, and it felt funny on my nose. I wore it all the way back home, and when i took it off, the funny tickly feeling on my nose didn't leave. I got used to it in the few days to follow. But then came the 'going-to-school' part. I hadn't pictured the school scenario in my overjoyed state of mind. As a kid, it was different. It felt cool to look old and wise and a lil nerdy! But now, oh no.. I didn't want to look older, i didn't want to be called a nerd.. nor did i want people calling me 'Chashmish'(which i was called by a few guys gradually! Being the class head didn't help. Infact it worsened it!). To top that, that was the time 'Jassi Jaisi Koi Nahin' soap was being aired on Sony TV. There's no guessing what other names i might have had to bear... Sigh!

It did not last many days though. Cos, i never showed people that i minded. :-P I went with the flow. Either ignored them or laughed along. Now i realise, the best way to stop people from teasing you with something, is to joke on yourself before others get a chance to! That makes it clear to them that you are not going to be affected by their attempts. And... they won't even try. And if they do, laugh along. People tend to get bored when they do not get the reactions they expect in a situation. So why give them the pleasure. Clever? ;-)

Well.. After a year, Jassi gets a make over in the soap, and guess what, i got one too! And this time, i wasn't going to settle for just any stupid looking frame that covered half my face. And with the doctor confirming that my power had increased, i was forced me to wear my glasses full time! Alas.. this was never a part of the whole 'I-want-glasses' plan, was it? :-( Anyway, i settled for a rim-less delicate pair this time, which gave me that sophisticated look i always wanted. And then, frame-less specs were the new IN thing. So that brought me back on the bizz! The following days in school set people talking again. But this time, no one made fun, they just wanted to see how can there be lens without a frame to support it..!

So, that said, i proudly tell you, i'm still using the same frame-less frame! And i feel there is no other that will suit me better. It's been almost eight years, and i've been happy with it. It's delicate enough to leave no mark on my nose. The only sad part, are the dark circles i've developed around my eyes. Not too dark, but i am surely not fond of it. Humph! :-/

After living 9 years of my childhood fascination, i came to a stage where all i wanted was to get rid of my glasses. I hated going to parties. It's all good till you get all dressed up, make-up.. n then... you wear your specs, and boom.. The look is LOST! You want to go have fun in the beach with your friends, you keep your glasses aside, and you can't see! You wear it, and there's the fear of it shattering into a million pieces, or just getting washed away by the waves. Even the few non-glasses days, when the specs would be sent for 'new-power-lens' fixing, would just cause more problems, for you can't see who the person in the far-end of the hallway is! I could see someone waving, but there's no way i deduce whether the person is waving at me or someone around me. I wouldn't want to look foolish waving back at some random person. But again, if that person is really waving at you, then it's plain rude to not wave back and simply stare! Oh the problems...

Finally some months back, i decided to be brave and try out contact lenses! I wanted to get rid of the glasses for atleast some hours a day. I wanted to go to parties not worrying about my looks. I didn't want to hide my best feature behind those glasses, my eyes! So i tried them on, and voila! It was magic. Pure magic. I could see the world, the way i saw it NINE long years back. Everything looked beautiful. On my way back from the optic centre to my room, i kept looking at everything i could set my sight on. I wanted to keep looking, cos i could SEE! I could SEE! It felt like my vision was restored. I wanted to see everything, all at once. That was the joy of the eyes which had been sentenced to nine long years as a prisoner.

Since then, i am happier, more confident, and i've fallen in love with the world all over again. Yes, it's still not as good as the hassle-free perfect eye-sight we were born with. But none-the-less, i can't complain, cos i had asked for it once upon a time, hadn't i? I had spent my whole childhood dreaming of me and my specs! 'The Secret' worked and i can't complain. To all you 'perfect-eye-sight' people out there, exercise your eyes daily, drink a glass of carrot juice every morning. A tasty treat to begin your day with. Live it, while it lasts. Take care of your eye sight, for you realise how precious it is, once you lose it. They say, beauty lies in the eye of the beholder. What is beholding, when your eyes are compromised for? What's beauty that you cannot enjoy?

Cheers!

With an unsaid promise, is an unheard plea to the Universe.

       

Mistakes from the past have their own bitter way of crawling into the skin of the present. Times like these, you can say nothing. Not because you don't know what to say, but because you deserve it. Karma? I don't know. I often wonder why there is no Rule Book to live life peacefully. A definite set of steps leading to a perfectly happy life, like in school days. Then there was a secure bubble, inside which there was happiness, safety, sense of comfort, confidence, perfection, protection. There were rules, difficult then, but looks simple now. Following which made you a perfect student... a perfect child. But then we were always eager to break rules. And now that there are no rules, we are always in search of them.

There must exist a universal rule for happiness, which we give a blind eye to. Attachment is a b***h...! It gives you the experience of the extremes. Total happiness and drowning sorrows. I guess there is a way to eternal happiness, like the Yogis up in the Himalayas. They are not even attached to their own bodies! There is no fear of losing anything, there is no fear of losing anyone... nor lies the fear of death, cos they do not fear losing their own bodies either. Their life revolves around their soul i guess, the one which never dies. I can't even start to imagine the difficulties and hardships they must have gone through before achieving such a state of mind. But it must surely be worth the relief, the peace, the realisation.

Work is worship. There are no fruits without hard work. There is a lot to do in this life. Laziness is our biggest enemy. I am up to fight it. It's simple. You just have to force yourself into lifting your a*s up the chair everytime you need to get going, but don't...!

I certainly don't know much about what i am talking about. I just know that i know the right thing in my head, i am waiting for it to sink to my heart. Cos i think from my heart. And until my heart tells me it's ok, it doesn't reflect in my actions. I say when life gives a second chance, take it. I have taken mine, with all my wishes and prayers attached. With an unsaid promise, is an unheard plea to the Universe to make this work. 

"I'm holding your hand,

but you will never know.

No, not because i need you,

but because i promised to.

It's unsaid, it's unheard,

You will have no clue,

Because.... you don't have to!"